I have recently been hearing some cringe worthy stories about somewhat disastrous first meetings between individuals who met online for the purposes of halal matrimony.
Personally meeting a guy via these websites to me feels slightly artificial but it works for many people so don’t knock it until you’ve tried it I guess.
After meeting and connecting (mind the pun) online, people normally schedule a first meeting to test the waters.
Disclaimer: none of the details on this post mean that I am issuing fatwas re. physically meeting people from the online community or halalifying them, if you’re gonna haram police me; go away. Thanks.
Ok so. Despite my blog being female heavy I am actually going to be adressing the mandem today.
Please don’t take this as fool proof advice I do not speak for all women. Just look at this as food for thought. Or you know, swipe away and we’ll call it even.
1. Unless you are going to meet her at her house; don’t take her flowers. She will most likely suspect you stole them from a cemetery anyway. I joke! Relax. But seriously, no girl’s bag is big enough for that ish and she will hate you for making her carry them around all day. It attracts unnecessary attention; the world does not need to know you are meeting for the 1st time. Also, I know its what the movies told you to do but its tacky bro. Abort.
Instead take her; a personality, a sense of humour, chocolate works, mithai’s never a bad idea… I digress. Just take your best self.
2. Plan ahead. If you’re going for coffee, think about what kind of place you wanna go to; quiet, lively? There’s nothing wrong with saying; “hey I know a good place but its popular so it could be a bit of a wait for a table or would you prefer somewhere more lowkey?” Choice is okay when its between two options. “So erm what do you wanna do coz I can do whatever” is irritating. We have curfews bro. Time is money.
3. Speaking of… this one has divided the masses. But here goes. If I am going out to meet anyone man or otherwise, you best believe I will be financially prepared. That’s just how I was raised. However that being said, I expect you to insist to pay. There I said it. Sue me. I am not saying I will then make you pay because ultimately you ain’t my man yet you get me? My counter offer would be to go dutch; I pay for my shit, you pay for yours. If you don’t insist to pay, I’m not impressed with you already. If you expect me to pay for you, I’ll do it but bruh check yourself…
Lets get sidetracked. I was at the cinema with some friends not long ago and the movie had not started so everyone was talking. There was a couple sitting infront of us and he grabbed her mobile phone which she was trying to get back. We overheard them arguing and realised that he was trying to get onto her bank details so that he could reimburse her for the movie tickets which she paid for because she arrived before him and she did not want him to do so. It wasn’t even about the money man, its the principle. He got a silent round of applause from the row behind him js.
4. Don’t take us to the cinema. The point of a first meeting is that I get to grill you how am I gonna do that in a movie theatre or a library?
5. We love food. But we don’t know you so most of us are not prepared to eat infront of you yet. Don’t get mr wrong, some of us will eat infront of an army of people but the general verdict on this one is no food on the first “date”.
6. Don’t call it a date. It ain’t. Not in the conventional sense anyway. And the haram connotations of the word date are the last thing you want hanging in the air as you try and feel less awkward.
7. Don’t go on your phone in the middle of the conversation. Don’t reply to texts. Don’t read them. Just no. Unless you know its an emergency, and you will because the phone will keep ringing, just leave it.
8. Listen and engage. Listening is nodding and absorbing the words the other person is saying. This is probably the only time saying “hmm” is okay. I do not know of a more annoying sound. Engaging is; “Can I just refer back to what you were saying about staying at home after marriage? Is that a personal choice or something you are compromising on? Talk me through it.” Repeating what the other person is saying is often the easiest way to show you listened real good.
9. Diffuse awkward situations. If disagreement occur that’s life it happens but avoid conflicts at all costs. One of main things I look out for in a guy is how he reacts when he is angry. If you kick off over a minor disagreement its a major alarm bell.
10. Try and avoid awkward silences…again time is money and we are on a curfew.