The UK now owns your organs after you die

Well. It doesn’t but, it could. Unless you opt out. Apparently.

I chuffin’ hate love me a good chain letter. And there’s one currently circulating which states that your organs and tissue are property of the UK after you die unless you fill a form in to opt out. I checked the form out for someone and took it upon myself to tell them it was probably a hoax. It was asking for far too many personal details to be real and the url looked a bit dodge too.

Having spoken to a few people who work in the NHS though, I was told that the Government is currently debating whether to make this an actual scheme. Parliament hasn’t reached a decision for England but some say this is already happening in Wales.

Donating organs is a noble thing to do and something I have even researched out of genuine interest in becoming an organ donor post death. When I carried out said research the conclusion by an overwhelming majority was that there isn’t sufficient evidence to say whether donating your organs after you die was halal or haram.

A friend of mine was indignant that I was opposed to this form because they would be happy to donate etc. My problem isn’t the donating part at all. Why would I oppose that? What good are organs to me in the grave? I’d basically be worm food. My problem was that such a scheme could exist in the first place. Seems like an awful infringment of human rights to me.

Don’t quote me on anything I have said. I have nothing to back it up with. I could research this myself but I have to hoover and you know… forget that I live in a country where my wages aren’t all mine, the house I own isn’t technically mine and now my organs are apparently running the risk of not being my own either.

I can’t even.


Punish a muslim day

If you have the misfortune of living in the UK this month, you will know that tomorrow is supposedly punish a muslim day. Not really sure how the idea for this day came about… other than from a place of deep hatred.

The idea is you punish a muslim for some points. Like some sick Harry Potter system. From verbal abuse to throwing acid in someone’s face, you are awarded points… by who I have no idea. Probably the fucked up folk society.

I have spent the past few weeks telling everyone to relax, that it was some vicious rumour circulating to spread fear but lo and behold, some guy got pulled into a car a few hours ago and had acid thrown in his face bless him.

Not that this matters but its not even the 3rd yet. I genuinely have no words. The pricks wanted to give us a preview I suppose. Allah has our backs. My mind knows that. My heart feels sad though at the injustices of the world, at not feeling safe in your own home anymore and at ignorance and blind hatred spreading faster than disease.

My mum’s telling us all not to go out tomorrow. I was supposed to go to the post office and run a few errands and I have half a mind to still go, pricks or not. How do I explain to my mother that if they started on the 2nd what’s to say they will stop on the 4th? Seems to me everyday is punish a muslim day these days.

A series of letters

Dear Sleep – I have never craved anything more in my entire life. Have me or let me have you. I need a decent amount of you as a matter of urgency. My sanity depends on it.

Dear Snow- Can you fall in abundance tonight so we can get a snow day tomorrow please? Because it’s been decades since the Boss has taken pity on us and told us to stay home.

Dear Boss – One day’s closure won’t kill us. Live a little please.

Dear Dark – I think I only like you during the day. At night, you scare me a little. You drag me to places I don’t want to go.

Dear Future Husband – You took the piss and now I am 30. Well done. I hope you’re at least making plenty of money so I can retire at 40. This is a joke. But be funny and light hearted I beg you. I need some lols in my life right now.

Dear Car- I don’t exhaust you, stop exhausting me. I am skint.

Dear Book Publishing World – ya’ll need my words in your life, take me innit.

Dear Camera – why you no inspire me anymore?

Dear Travel – I’m sorry we had to break up. We were really good together but the financial situation had to come and split us up didn’t it? Hater.

Dear Tutee – please cancel today’s lesson coz honestly, I cba.

Dear 5:39am friends – thank you.

My (very Asian, very Arab) family’s response to me becoming a minimalist

I’ve been talking to telling my family that I’m seriously considering becoming a minimalist and someone who somewhat practises the zero waste movement to the best of their ability. I won’t go too deep into explaining either lifestyle as they are pretty self explanitory and you can YouTube them if interested. But essentially, with the 1st you don’t buy and hoard shit you don’t need and with the 2nd you recycle and become a more concious consumer.

I’m not claiming to suddenly love the environment and I am debating buying an obscenely expensive chair as we speak but I do want to do my bit for the world. Maybe turning 30 is making me nicer hella bored and I feel like I need to do something with the routine cycle I call my life.

Anyway, here are some of my very Asian, very Arab family and friend’s responses when I told them about this change. Sidenote; I have never been more amused in my life;

~Oh you want less furniture? How about you think twice about getting a 2nd cat? Two cats is not very minimal, Tam- Ma

~New movement? You do realise this is how the prophet lived years ago right? – Friend

~A bamboo toothbrush? I think you’ll find that’s called a miswak mate. These Youtubers feed you lies and you just buy them. Shabash TamCousin

~Oh now they wanna use a “water system” when they go to the toilet to avoid loo roll? We’ve been doing it for centuries and been called dirty for it but now you wack a “save the environment” label on it and it becomes popular? Nice one Westerners- Colleague

~Oh God Tam, are you gonna start hugging trees and shit now?- Friend

~No, no good. Just do it properly though yeah. Don’t use our bathroom that’s too modern and bad for the environment. Go in the garden- Ma.

-So I take it you will be walking an hour and back to work now yeah? No car? – Friend

-Tam, is this you lowkey trynna be kanjoos? Because I’ll get the bill next time we go out don’t sweat it, babe- Cousin

-Mashallah. What next? You’ll go vegan inshallah? Because if so you can start next month. Your dad has already done the meat shop for this month- Ma.

30 lessons in (almost) 30 years: Revised Edition

1. Cough syrup is fookin’ useless.

2. Chai in bed can vastly improve even the worst of my moods.

3. There is such a thing as being too honest.

4. Being good is fucking hard but it will benefit you when you are 6 feet under. As will not swearing I suppose. But you know.

5. A stranger is the best person to talk to. But we really mustn’t speak to strangers. Note to self; stop doing this.

6. Being kind is everything.

7. The only person that will love you regardless of what a wasteman you turned out to be is your mother. God bless mine, I am her proudest disappointment. Mashallah me.

8. Even if you do what you love, it will still feel like work because Monday.

9. Humans were designed to betray whereas animals show you undying loyalty. Except reptiles, they evil. And my cat, she hates me.

10. The idea of love is beautiful. The actual ish is hella complex.

11. Health is one of those things you should stop taking for granted.

12. Being lonely is a thing. Even if you love being alone.

13. Not everyone you want to be in your life will want to be there because they think they are prestiege oh my actual days.

14. Thirty is a good time to start practising minimalism and (almost) zero waste as actual lifestyles. Here goes nothing.

15. Just like “money doesn’t buy you happiness,” love doesn’t put food on the table. So when da mandem be’s saying, “even the Sahabas weren’t rich!” – Bruh, in what other way are you a Sahabi though? Pft. Have several seats.

16. Time doesn’t heal, it teaches you to survive anyway.

17. The Casanova that listened to his mother and left you because you were “dark” and therefore “unattractive”? You lost him but you gained perspective. Also, he’s bald now, whereas your hair game is hella strong mashallah.

18. Life is kinder to attractive people. It won’t be you that changes that ridiculous notion so bite your tongue and iron your bloody scarf once in a while.

19. Take the photo. So someone tells you off. Big deal.

20. If you treat people like celebrities, they will treat you like a fan. No one is that great. No one.

21. Not everyone will like you. Even if you are super nice to them.

22. Ain’t nobody gonna see the good in you if you don’t acknowledge it 1st.

23. People that offer to drive are good people.

24. Tastes like acid in my mouth to admit this but… marriage isn’t all bad *chokes*

25. Le future other half? He has to speak English. But it helps his case majorly if he speaks another language as well. Like big time. Like help me Lord.

26. Today’s friend can unfortunately soon become tomorrow’s “who?” Don’t form unnecessary attachments.

27. Decluttering is life. Get rid of everything. Be sentimental in your heart.

28. Knowing a list of facts about someone doesn’t mean you know them. It’s the things you figure out without being told that count.

29. Real talk? The opposite sex only holds as much control over you as you allow them to. You are in charge of distributing the bullets responsible for your demise. Hand them out sparingly. He will not think twice about shooting.

30. It’s okay that the most peaceful you feel right now is sitting in your car alone (with food, always) listening to soppy songs and staring at the epic view you parked in front of, whilst mentally pretending you are in a music video. You do you.

It’s 2°, which is cold for England

…and I am absolutely boiling. Like to the point of being irritated. My colleagues are wrapped up and I am walking around sweating in a shirt. I can’t feel it per se but someone touched me and said I was radiating heat. To be fair their skin felt freezing cold and so comforting to touch. Ahhh.

Fever game strong this week. It’s on and off. Comes and goes. Sunday was my worst day though, I got so dehydrated and dizzy I basically passed out and created this whole scene for my family which was fun for them. I like to spice up their life now and then.

I’ve said it before but I really do have the worst immune system in the world which is not helped by the fact that I basically work in a germ hub. Still, I soldiered on and went to work because my new year’s rez is to improve my work ethic. Not.

I do however want to;

1. Finish a lip balm. I buy them, use half, then misplace or forget about them.

2. Stop giving people the time of day. This essentially means if someone is being a prick. Tell them. Don’t sugar coat it to spare their feelings. Here’s a practice run: “you’re a prick, stop being one.” Oh, that felt beautiful.

3. Somehow improve my immune system. Any recommendations? I feel like I spelt that word very wrong. Good thing I don’t impart wisdom for a living or anything.

4. Finish cups of tea. Not let them get cold, re-heat repeatedly then tip in the sink.

5. Remember less people’s birthdays… it’s getting ridiculous how many people I have to buy ish for which brings me on to…

6. Be better with money, *remembers bank balance, closes eyes in horror*

7. Don’t impress anyone. Least of all employers. They only see who what they want to see and nothing else. Why bother?

8. Really get into minimalism. Read: own less shit.

9. Get into the recycling hype. Or at least try.

10. Not to get attached to humans. Only things. And cats.