11:37pm and counting

My sleep cycle is taking the piss these days. And whilst this seems like a random, almost intimate thought to be throwing out there, to be read by people that don’t necessarily know me, it’s 11:37pm and the silence is killing me. So, I currently care very little about that technicality. I shall remember to take some extra self loathing into the shower with me tomorrow to compensate for not punishing myself for it now.

I joke.

Anyway so much is going on for me at the moment that I don’t know what to do with, it’s un real. Too much actually. Talk to someone they say. But I’m so good at not bothering people in my life with my shit though, why break that habit now? I mean this is why I come and vomit it all over here, then it’s out of my system you know? Like an outlet.

I am so full of dread righ now. You know like when you have too much caffeine and feel the palpitations coming on? I am full of that. Nausea and nerves, ugh. I feel like something bad is going to happen- God forbid. Like I’m motionless as a train heads towards me at full speed. I want someone to come push me out of the way. Like I’m getting drenched in the rain and want someone to offer me shelter. I am grown up enough to know no one is coming and that I need to, in fact, save myself from both debacles. I’m working on it.

Life is such though, that until you figure shit out you just have to deal, no? I know, I know.

On a complete sidenote, why are we so shit towards charitable people? I’m noticing this trend of giving grief in the name of “advice” to people who engage in charitable acts actively on social media. So they documented their act of kindness. Big wow. Who is it hurting? You? Get over it.

It’s probably a good thing they do document it in the hope of it influencing the likes of us (who sit there doing nothing for the world) to lift a finger maybe sometime. Yeah charity is supposed to be done in secret for the most part, but who died and made you God to tell them that? It’s between man and creator so you pipe down, have several seats and let the good people do their shit.

My God.


Whatcha know bout Sunday blues

Currently walking in the snow with some Atif Aslam in my ears for effect. Part of me is pretending I’m in a music video ngl. The other part is focusing all my energy on not falling down. And there is the part of me that wishes I was wearing a coat of course but we’re ignoring her.

And on that note, hope your Sunday is going swimmingly well ya’ll.

Minimalism update #3

Well mandem. The time is now 3;19@? – Wow, I’m so drained that that’s how I wrote 3:19am. I’m sick of waking up constantly at night for one thing or another. It is thoroughly exhausting. I just want decent quality sleep.

Now that that insignificant whinge (in a world where some actual horror is taking place as we speak) is out of the way, I shall attempt to update you on my minimalism journey because I like to bore you I suppose, but also it increases accountability. If you want the other two updates… please find them yourself. I can’t even write the time correctly right now so I’d rather not attempt linking stuff.

Long story short: I got rid of some books so my surroundings can become a bit less cluttered, a bit more minimal.

Long story long:

When I was younger it was my dream to have a room in the house with a library; shelves covering every wall. You remember how gassed Belle got when she saw the Beast’s library? That’s me. I wanted that library.

Then I grew up and realised that books take up a lot of space, especially for someone like me who had hundreds, and they get dusty, and discoloured with time. And though owning them felt so satisfying, I sledom read them more than once. So really why were they there? They became ornaments.

This is when I invested in a Kindle. I’m not the biggest fan, because to me, nothing beats the feeling of a book, or that glorious smell of ink and paper and I still, to my friends’ confusion, visit book shops all the time. They’re my happy place.

Last Easter, I went cray and ruthless on my immense book collection. I literally filled up 3 or 4 large crates of them and gave them away to people who wanted them. There was a little sadness at the loss but I am not even joking when I say the space I freed up was a welcome surprise. It just felt so much less cluttered and I only kept like 100 books or so.

Last week, I tried to get rid of even more books by selling them because I am doing another declutter. This was proving a difficult task and I ended up arguing with a guy who runs one of the websites that buy books off of people- true story. So, I decided to donate them to the public library.

I now have something like 27 books left. These were books I couldn’t get rid off for various reasons, they were either signed by the author, or they were in a set, or books I want to re read at some point and books that were gifted to me. Twenty seven books is probably three floating shelves worth of space and I can live with that… for now.

Meanwhile, the mission is to no longer be tempted to buy physical copies of books. I always fall of the wagon and succumb you see, but I must be strong this year. I will not be swayed by gorgeous book covers and from now on I will go 98% digital.

So all in all this mission was a success.

Next thing to declutter: devices and cables. Smh. Wish me luck.

Addictions to let go of & minimalism update #2

I have been attempting lately to embrace a simpler and less complicated lifestyle. One where I am no longer a hoarder in terms of holding on to actual physical items. But also, I want to let go of a lot of other… ideas that hold me down as though they are an unshiftable weight that refuses to let me go.

John Green; epic human being, author, YouTuber, released a video explaining that he was going to leave a few things behind in 2017 and not carry them with him into 2018. A truly wonderful concept. Easier said than done, of course. But if it can be said, then it can at least be attempted.

This video sparked somewhat of a debate amongst my people. It got us talking first of all, about things we are addicted to, that we should consider weaning ourselves off this year. The answers were varied and colourful; food, online shopping, make up, swearing, clothes, conversation, Netflix, YouTube and people.

If you thought food was mine I don’t blame you. I do love me some grubb, but it wasn’t, I’d be surprised if anyone can figure out which one was mine actually.

We talked about all the possible and healthier alternatives we should explore (reading and the gym being popular choices) instead of our respective addictions if you like and all in all it was an interesting debate. Not a fan of debates though I am.

I’ve already, in a previous post, outlined what I would like to achieve in 2018. So I don’t mean this to be repetetive, but every this year I really want to be less affected by shit. Especially when I feel that I have been wronged. People don’t like being wronged as a general rule but when it happens to me, I get upset times a thousand. I weep and lose sleep over it for days. This is because I invest a large chunk of myself into anything and anyone that means a lot to me. No one makes me do this, so I have only myself to blame, I know. But I can’t help it.

My mother on the other hand, when wronged, can turn the other way, learn from it and forget it ever happened. I want to be like that this year. God knows she has tried to explain to me, that not all people will forgive you just because you forgave them, they won’t all be here for you at 5:00am because you were there for them and they won’t always welcome you back with open arms like you did for them.

She says you can either stop being too nice or stop expecting too much and that the people who wrong anyone will one day wake up and think ‘shit, I should have treated this person better and now they’re gone,’ and that’s that. My thick head refuses to get it. But I shall work on it this year.

Enough with the heavy. I present to you minimalism update number 2.

I have, to my great horror, managed to collect and accumalate 10 plastic water bottles from my room today. Something I actually do every week but have never thought twice about. I’ll let you do the math. Ahem. My family buy water bottles in bulk and I take one to my room every night in case I get thirsty which I hardly ever do.

Ideally, I wanted to replace these with a steel or glass bottle that I refill every night but I only happen to have a plastic one at hand for now. So I shall use that one until it breaks or gets misplaced.

Next thing to minimise on; books. The one I dread the most. Eeeks.

Minimalism Update #1… ish.

Sup ya’ll?

The season to be jolly is over. Yours truly turned 30 and apart from a little knee pain (I know!) and a cold / cough that refuse to go away, I feel aight ya know. Same ish, different day.

I have spent an alarming amount of hours watching romantic films. I blame the holidays for this you know, they do me in. I’ve also been listening to the song from The Snowman (walking in the air) a lot. If you haven’t watched The Snowman (1982), do. It’s on YouTube, only 27 minutes and it is pure magic.

So, minimalism updates. I haven’t done much per se. I yacked on about it to a lot of folk and got some hate mail because I apparently inspired a couple of people to clear out their loft and attic. Yay! Result! I inspired people. I haven’t done that since the 90s. That’s when some of ya’ll were born, kids.

Anyway, they now hate me because I made them throw away stuff they don’t use anymore. How dare I indeed. I’ve also inspired my cousin (a journalist) to write an article about it apparently. Minimalism is not a recognised concept where she lives, you see.

As for me personally, I need to invest in a couple of things, I think, to start living minimally. I don’t like the idea of spending money to become a minimalist but I feel a couple of sacrifices will have to be made at the start of this journey. Namely a tote bag.

My reasoning; I am the worst culprit for using plastic bags at the supermarket. I go through tons. I tend not to care about the extra charge and even when I buy a “bag for life” I never take it out of the car because it’s big and bulky and crinckly and just not compact at all.

So, I think a fabric bag will be perfect. You can fold it away and be done with it. It is necessary and not that pricey I feel. You would agree with me if you knew how many times I go to Tesco a week. They should give me shares honestly.

Anyway, I am torn between these two, opinions please.

My (very Asian, very Arab) family’s response to me becoming a minimalist

I’ve been talking to telling my family that I’m seriously considering becoming a minimalist and someone who somewhat practises the zero waste movement to the best of their ability. I won’t go too deep into explaining either lifestyle as they are pretty self explanitory and you can YouTube them if interested. But essentially, with the 1st you don’t buy and hoard shit you don’t need and with the 2nd you recycle and become a more concious consumer.

I’m not claiming to suddenly love the environment and I am debating buying an obscenely expensive chair as we speak but I do want to do my bit for the world. Maybe turning 30 is making me nicer hella bored and I feel like I need to do something with the routine cycle I call my life.

Anyway, here are some of my very Asian, very Arab family and friend’s responses when I told them about this change. Sidenote; I have never been more amused in my life;

~Oh you want less furniture? How about you think twice about getting a 2nd cat? Two cats is not very minimal, Tam- Ma

~New movement? You do realise this is how the prophet lived years ago right? – Friend

~A bamboo toothbrush? I think you’ll find that’s called a miswak mate. These Youtubers feed you lies and you just buy them. Shabash TamCousin

~Oh now they wanna use a “water system” when they go to the toilet to avoid loo roll? We’ve been doing it for centuries and been called dirty for it but now you wack a “save the environment” label on it and it becomes popular? Nice one Westerners- Colleague

~Oh God Tam, are you gonna start hugging trees and shit now?- Friend

~No, no good. Just do it properly though yeah. Don’t use our bathroom that’s too modern and bad for the environment. Go in the garden- Ma.

-So I take it you will be walking an hour and back to work now yeah? No car? – Friend

-Tam, is this you lowkey trynna be kanjoos? Because I’ll get the bill next time we go out don’t sweat it, babe- Cousin

-Mashallah. What next? You’ll go vegan inshallah? Because if so you can start next month. Your dad has already done the meat shop for this month- Ma.