Author: tam

Taking life one hot chocolate at a time and when disaster strikes, one fake smile at a time. That is how I roll, no rainbows or butterflies here... only food, quirk, randomness and pictures.

Oh dear God.

-First of all, massive shout out to ya if you were one of the people that kept me company during my hours of insomnia Sunday night.

-I just about made it to work Monday; six minutes late. But I made it. I really didn’t think I would.

-Reason being. I was up until about 6:00am Sunday night /  Monday morning which is when I started to feel sleepy. Come 7:30am I was REALLY struggling to get out of bed because I was essentially drunk on sleep.

-No panic attacks but lots of coughing fits. I had paracetamol but that’s all I can think of. Other than honey and lemon, does anyone have any other remedys for a cough that won’t piss off?

-I was put on hold today for, wait for it, FOURTY-FIVE minutes with the vet to get my kitten an appointment for jabs only to be told that the only appointments they could offer me is when I am working. I mean, she wasn’t even trying to be helpful when I mentioned this. She just goes, “oh, so… you don’t want the appointment then?” Ugh.

-When I do eventually magic the time to take Shadow I am petrified of a) getting her into her pet carrier and b) sitting in a waiting room with dogs. I can’t even deal with dogs. I’m talking 0 tolerance.

-People say to me, “tam you’re obsessed with talking about marriage for someone who hates it.” I mean, maybe? But that’s coz people ALWAYS bring it up! I mean the Subway guy just asked me when I’m getting married. Like… all I wanted was a sandwich. You can’t make this shit up.

-He wouldn’t accept my response, “never coz it’s crap.”

-It’s funny how much of a good French lesson you can teach (with literally 0 French knowledge) when you have the accent nailed. I only know bébé and that’s because I call Shadow it all the time.

-My shoulder and neck hurt. I need to invest in another pillow and an electric blanket for that matter. Like it was bloody 3° this morning. It’s nearly May for God’s sake.

-Oh God it’s nearly May 😧 

-And on that note. I must get back to work. Lunch is over. 

Finding Fatima

…is the name of a film I saw like an hour ago, but more on that later.

-I finally washed my car for those of you who are interested. I said I’d do it two weeks ago. And now 14 days later; voila.

-Cat hair is a thing you know. I thought it was a rumour. But nope. I’ll be sitting at Costa minding my own, when I’ll suddenly notice Shadow’s hair all over me. I shall enclose a photo of Shadow who I am told I can’t talk about unless I attach a photo to go with said talk. Cue Mashallahs please because my cat is buff.

-Speaking of. I must be the only person in England that still says buff.

-Also, bro is still insistent on changing Shadow’s name. To Coco this time. I mean…

-I’ve had a mentally draining couple of days, I’m not gonna lie. And I know I’m always mentally drained but. Yeah. This cough don’t help either.

-I’m worried I will have a panic attack before I go into work tomorrow. It’s my first day back after 2 weeks. This is actually a genuine fear. Google anxiety before you mock my pain inneh. Then of course there’s annoyance at myself that a panic attack is even a possibility. Ugh.

-You know what the worse thing is about that? Not one person I could call for a calm me down. Everyone’s either asleep or at work themselves at 8am.

-Not that I would call, call. Because I can’t talk on the phone. Too awkward.  I am way better on text.

-I need petrol. Like now. The road to the nearest petrol station is blocked so I gotta drive to find another one… on essentially, a near empty tank. Don’t lecture me just come get petrol for me plsh.

-I live for reliable people, me. People who have your back. Rare breed. Keep those people around, trust me. You meet less of them the older you get not more.

-So I went to the cinema earlier to watch a film called Finding Fatima. I was drawn by the ethnic name and the fact that it was about a 30 year old woman who can’t find a husband. Because hello. Not that I am looking.

-The trailer made me laugh a bit. Okay the trailer made me laugh a lot. Ahem. So when I found out it was playing in tam town. I had to go.

-There’s some similarities between Fatima and I. She’s pissed at life, has anger issues, a decent sense of humour and always picking the wrong son of a bitch. Note; this post will contain some swearing. 

That’s where similaties end though. She’s Pakistani, buff, trendy and a doctor. A catch one would say. But can’t find a husband. Go figure.

-Anyway, I get to the cinema and three… people *don’t call them names, don’t call them names* took our seats. Like. Why? It’s designated seating. Sit in your own effing seat. The seat you CHOSE. My friend nudges me forward and tells me not to say anything and just sit anywhere. I do.

-Throught the film, Maharani Rani next to me, the one who stole my seat, thinks her LOUD commentary is hilarious and necessary. She goes, “at least Shahid (the guy in the film) is not Indian, Pakis and Indians are a big no, no.” 

-I’m annoyed at this point. Like beyond. It was such an ignorant thing to say. If this girl wasn’t Asian she would have been blonde. Which is also an offensive thing to say but yano, warranted. I beg my friend to let me tell her my “husband” is Pakistani and I am Indian, very happily married with two children. I even had a name and a profession for this imaginary husband. My friends warning glares talked me out of it though.

-The actual film, in case you are wondering was a bit dry and not very well executed but because I could relate to the character I liked it anyway.

-Sidenote though, Shahid, guy in the film was panicking about turning 30 and not being married. Like please. That’s not realisitic. I think I speak for most Asian guys when I say, Asian guys don’t panic about not being married at 30. 

Cough, Cough…

-I’m in London. I’ve not been here in time. And when I say London, I mean I’m like 15 minutes away from Heathrow so all in all not in London at all. More like Slough.

-I don’t miss tam town per se. I do miss Shadow, my kitten, however.

-I wish I could say I had a good night’s sleep… but, I seem to have caught a cough off my sister and let’s just say that it a) wouldn’t let me sleep and b) legit woke me up when I finally did manage some sleep. I’m so tired and achy this morning.

-Let me tell you this though, electric blankets are hella special…

-My mum’s been trying to put me off the idea of living alone by narrating in full detail how my cousin got burgled the other day by some Indian guy who broke into her house.

-My aunty has cornered me last night to say, “Oi tam, what’s this? You’re 30, khalas (enough) time to get married. Marriage is nice you know. Company, company.” I legit laughed out loud. She was not impressed.

-I cannot believe that my system has chosen now to fall sick when I have been off work for the last 2 weeks.

-Speaking of which, work on Monday. There are no words to describe how much I can’t even deal…

-These people that claim to love work. Fam, who is funding these lies you tell and will they invest in me?

– I had my tea this morning overlookig my aunty’s large garden. This is a rare treat. We don’t have a garden. Well we have a shared one that we fenced ourselves off as the neighbours were not being very neighbourly. So we ended up with nothing.

-Filling out forms is not the one. I hate it. There’s always something one there you don’t know the answer to.

-I’ve been thinking of disabling the like button on blog. 

-A friend who reads this blog dm’d me the other day saying, “tam, you reckon all your commenters read every word you post?” This got me thinking.

-I have been getting a lot of dm’s from you guys in the last few days. Thank God for instagram lol.

-I have made some good friends on here. I was counting you all yesterday and was astounded by the number actually.

-I’m running out of things to waffle on about and on that note…

12 random details I remember about the night I met you

1. It was a cold ass night in more than one way. Windy af, too.

2. I started the day being happy and content but the night soon took a very sour turn. You know what I mean, I’m sure.

3. I saw a taxi with my name as a number plate. I was so excited I took a photo of it. My cousins were like are you kidding me? But it was cool.

4. The sea was calm. I know this because I was on a ferry earlier that evening, with my cup of tea, watching the noisiest seagulls soaring inches away from my face.

5. I discovered and photographed some kick ass graffiti. The word “love” made a regular appeareance in all of them. Yuck.

6. Before the night got ruined, I had some good conversations actually. The deep kind you know I like. Not unlike (some of) the ones I have with you coz you know we just chat shit 90% of the time.

7. I bought some books in a language I don’t fully understand. Because wasting money like that is my forte. 

8. My brother and I argued a lot that night come to think of it. Story of my bloody life arguing with that kid.

9. I walked a lot that whole day. Like 25,000 steps in awful shoes. I had blisters on both feet, purple blisters. I’m not kidding. I have photos.

10. I said some hurtful things to someone I loved. But they threw some awful truths back in my face as well. That night blew in so many way.

11. I went home alone that night whilst everyone else stayed out together. I cried in the shower. Like a scene from a really cheesy film. Then I sat in bed and went on my phone. Like another scene from another cheesy film.

12. And though we’d only spoken a handful of times in the past, and despite the fact that I tried to find someone else to speak to, something made me text you, “why are people annoying?” to which you, in under thirty seconds, perfectly replied, “because it’s in their job description to be a pain in the ass.” 

I don’t know much about friendship because frankly, it’s hyped. But I feel like if they all started like this, then maybe they’re not so bad. Maybe.

I just

…called to say, I love you. Jokes. I ain’t said that to anyone in like ever.

-I just sneezed really loud and my kitten jumped and hissed at me. I don’t think it was saying, “bless you” 😔

-I just wrote an amazing post that made me cry. It has to live in drafs until I decide to publish it though.

-I just don’t think I was productive enough this Easter. I still need to wash my car. Ugh. Hate that task.

-I just don’t understand why retro phones are more expensive than modern ones?! Someone know anyone that has an old rotarty phone that functions? Call me. Mind the pun.

-I just shopped for a toilet for my cat coz it’s litter is flying everywhere and my mum makes me hoover everyday because apparently this cat is my responsibility.

-I just don’t understand where the time has gone. I have to be back at work Monday and honestly I am not ready at all.

-I just want… pancakes right now. And soothers because my throat hurts.

-I just can’t wait until I live on my own. Of course knowing me I’ll cry the 1st night coz I’ll miss my mother. 

-I just need a good book to read. Someone needs to write a really good epistolary novel. They used to be my fave.

-I just can’t think of anymore sentences that start with I just, so…

-I just gonna leave now.

Under the influence of Ibuprofen

1. What’s your philosophy in life? Be kind, live and let live and be happy for others for the love of God. Also, don’t judge people for swearing.

2. What’s the one thing you would like to change about yourself? I’d like to stop worrying.

3. Are you religious or spiritual? One tries.

4. What’s the worst thing someone could buy you as a gift? Clothes, make up, jewellery. The 1st I am very specific about. The latters I don’t use. I’m more about practical gifts for sure.

5. Best gift you ever got? Books, yellow m & m’s my camera and someone got me lip balm the other day I was over the moon.

6. Your relationship with one of your siblings, go. I mean, one second we’re pulling each other’s hair, the next we’re filming ourselves reacting to opening our mail like we are Zoella.

7. What was the worst phase in your life? Probably 17 – 21.

8. Is what you’re doing now what you always wanted to do growing up? No, not really.

9. What makes you feel accomplished? Completing a project from start to finish. Like when I made a family tree for my Grandmother on Mother’s Day.

10. What’s your favorite book/movie of all time and why did it speak to you so much? How do people answer this? I can’t have one favourite. This changes with time. I am yet to read something as effective as Don’t be Sad. Nineteen minutes was amazing. Can You Keep a Secret? was hilarious. P.S. I Love You will always be special. Dhobi Ghat spoke to me when it came out but now I can’t get Dear Zindagi out of my head. That film was basically my biography.

11. What is a relationship deal breaker for you? Betrayal. Lies. Breaking of trust.

12. Are you more into looks or brains? I like looks, I’m human. The thing about getting older though is that you truly value brains, compatability, humour, kindness a lot more than looks. Honestly, young people, I tell you the truth.

13. Would you ever take back someone who cheated? Sod that.

14. How do you feel about sharing your password with your partner? Right now? Erm, not very good. Just as well I’m single *nervous laughter*

15. When do you think a person is ready for marriage? When their Ammi says they are. Jokes. Erm, I think for guys definitely 25 onwards. Girls can get married whenever really. We is bare mature at all ages. 

16. What kind of parent do you think you will be? A shitty one. 

17. What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner? I mean. I’d keep them apart to maintain the peace. But knowing my luck my parents would like him more than they like me. Smh.

18. Who is that one person you can talk to about just anything? They’re reading this right now probably thinking, Tam just admit it’s me. And now they’re probably smiling to themselves like an idiot.

19. Do you usually stay friends with your exes? I mean this question isn’t really applicable to me. I have no exes coz I’m bare halal and ting. However, I think the answer is no. No. Stop thinking it. It’s not healthy. It’s not cool. It’s daft.

20. Have you ever lost someone close to you? Aye.

21. If you are in a bad mood, do you prefer to be left alone or have someone to cheer you up? Left alone really. But I admire those who have the… guts, to try and talk to me when I’m moody.

22. What’s an ideal weekend for you? Bed, food, films & conversation.

23. What do you think of best friends of the opposite sex? All my life I wanted a guy best friend. Like I remember asking my mother at 14 if I could have one (“no, Tam”) I get on much better with guys for sure. I’m close to all my guy cousins. That said, I don’t think it works. You eventually catch feelings because life. Yes, you do.

24. Do you judge a book by its cover? Always. It bugs me when a good book has a shitty cover. Read: every single Nicholas Sparks book.

25. Are you confrontational? God, no. The crap I have to endure to avoid confrontation is unreal. Pretend to like people and what not.

26. When was the last time you broke someone’s heart? I like to think I never but I might have at 16. 

27. Would you relocate for love? No, can’t. I have things keeping me in this crappy town.

28. Did you ever write a journal? Aye. You’ve just reminded me I need to destroy my latest one because cringe.

29. What are you most thankful for? Everything. Alhamdulilah.

30. Do you believe in second chances? I mean yes. But I’m always cautious.

31. What’s the one thing that people always misunderstand about you? People think I am a negative and miserable sod who always has bad intentions and I honestly have no idea why. Sure I’m always frowning but… that’s just my face. And yes the glass is half empty but that’s just me being realistic, cushioning the blows of life. I don’t impose that on you.

32. What is your idea of a perfect vacation? I can’t think past India right now. Sorry, not sorry.

33. What did your past relationship teach you? That relationships are haram inneh. That “I will never leave,” are famous last words. 

34. What are your thoughts on online dating or tinder? I mean. To each his own.

35. What’s on your bucket list this year? I don’t do those. I’m the see what happens kinnda gal. And nothing ever happens so maybe I should start a bucket list.

36. When have you felt your biggest adrenaline rush? I am the dullest person on the planet. I don’t even go on rides because I get dizzy. And not “Oh, I feel rather light headed,” no more like, “Oh shit, did Tam just hit the ground?” It’s happened, believe me. So to answer your question. When I stuck my head out of a moving too fast vehicle. Oh my God. I just read that. What a gripping life one does lead.

37. What is the one thing that someone can say to make it all ok? Doesn’t work when everyone does it obviously. But I basically live for people that say, “leave it with me Tam, I got your back.” 

38. If a genie granted you 3 wishes right now, what would you wish for? To be taller, to have a semi decent relationship with my brother and to keep you around for as long as I can.

39. What’s your biggest regret in life? Not making it through Law school. Broke my mother’s heart.

40. What do you think about when you’re by yourself? What don’t I think about? Let’s see; food, why someone said what they said 14.5 hours ago and did they mean what I think I know they meant or is just what I think? Why is my mother not talking to me again? How am I broke? I got paid like 3 days ago and I miss Autumn.

My Photobook ♡

So I mentioned recently how I wasn’t inspired to take any photos of anything lately, and if you know me, you know this isn’t like me at all. My camera and I are inseperable. 

On a whim, I decided to print some of my old photos out; a task I have been putting off for a long time and whilst looking online for the best place to do this I came across Saal Digital who not only do photo books, but calendars, posters, the works. You name it they have it.

I’m glad I went for them in the end and I would reccomend them for sure. The customer service is excellent. Someone from their team got in touch with me immediately after I emailed them with a few questions. Then again a couple of days later to make sure I was getting on okay with the photobook and asking if I needed further support.

The process of actually putting together the photobook was simple and took me less than three minutes. You can add text and choose different layouts to tell a story (great for wedding and anniversary gifts) but I decided to keep mine simple. The book itself arrived within 2 days from ordering it which was a lot quicker than expected. It has a glossy finish and the quality is quite amazing. All in all, really impressed and inspired to pick up my camera again, not gonna lie 😂