random musings

Things that perhaps I have no right to be annoyed about but I am anyway

1. Hot weatherDear God, if I be super good, can I keep Autumn for longer this year, please?

2. Ridiculously good looking couples – mashallah ya’ll, for real, but get back inside the magazine cover and stop making the rest of man kind feel average.

3. Crowds – Panic attack pending. Yes, I am that wimp with anxiety. I am not sorry.

4. Positive people – it’s blessed ya’ll positive people hate me too #balance_restored

5. People who take the gum out of their mouth and put it on the side of their plate before proceeding to eat – why?

6. When my cat refuses to show me love – you are all I have in the world you little bastard, love me!

7. The sound of the land-line ringing – how do you still exist, my G?

8. The fear of being alone at night intensifying the older I get – I have no right to be annoyed by this because I have repped being alone for 29 years, but now it scares me. Good thing I have no immediate plans of living alone or anything . . .

9. That not enough people have picked up on why it’s called “falling” in love – because it really is like falling and no one likes to fall because it hurts, it’s humiliating and leaves you feeljng paranoid and vulnerable. Mind blown.

10. When people don’t reply to a message you sent, then come back the next day and lead with; hey, what you up to? Thus leaving the last message you sent just hanging in the air like you never typed it – well, ignoramous, nothing is up, other than you being ignorant.

Men and the Hijab

No, I’m not going to talk about men’s hijab and how they should lower their gaze because a) I try not to be captain obvious, men should know this anyway and b) I need to find me a fella, so if all the mandem be’s looking at the floor then… what? I can’t say that? Aight. Moving on.

I struggle, I honestly do, to understand why some men feel like they need to have their say on the hijab. In my humble opinion, unless they are a scholar, or training to become someone who is dedicating their life to studying the deen for the greater good of the ummah, and they are asked for a fatwa regarding hijab… then said men should have several seats and pipe down.

I feel like dads can have a (gentle) say in it up until the girl reaches a certain age. Brothers… I mean, I think they should stay out of it too personally, but some girls have good enough relationships with their brothers not to mind hearing their views. Husbands unfortunately get a say in it, even I have to admit, but other than that, I am not sure why everyone men feel like they have the right to pass opinions on hijabs and the wearers of it at all.

I know Islam encourages naseeha in the name of caring for one another and this is why a lot of bhai log feel they have a leg to stand on when it comes to throwing hijab sermons like confetti. This is a little phenomena I like to call; Islam said therefore I am syndrome by the way. At which point I have to refrain from asking men, “tell me one thing Islam said men should do, anything will do.”

The emphasis on naseeha in Islam bothers me sometimes because generally, I hate advice unless I specifically ask for it. But also, I honestly think if God knew how appalling some people’s approach to naseeha is these days, he would revoke that license real quick.

I wish I could tell every man who would listen that hijab is hard. But unfortunately not all men want to listen. Here I am saying it anyway.

Wearing something that competely alters your appearance is hard. It makes you a target for bigots, you get catcalled anyway, mostly by muslim men for the record. Living in the west and wearing it makes you stick out like a sore thumb. It’s horrible. There, I said it. But we do it willingly anyway. Why? For God. End of.

So then, when some pillock comes along and declares in the comments section of some young hijabi’s instagram (where he should not even be loitering like a creep, by the way) that her hijab is not technically hijab because her neck is exposed, or her fringe is out, or her ankles are showing… I start to lose the will to live.

Fam, it’s not easy for young girls okay? She wants to hang on to her deen AND be young and fashionable. Would you rather she left the deen fully and focused on the fashionable bit alone? You think you, a pathetic keyboard warrior hiding behind his screen with his three-haired beard and five Islamic books on the shelf, will make her see “sense”?

Let me break it to you, it ain’t happening. In fact, she will think what’s the point and take the hijab off altogether. Can you live with knowing you made someone hate the deen because you decided to go holier than thou on them?

I am not saying what’s right or wrong here, I am no sheikh and I am not in the business of giving out fatwas, that’s your job. I am probably the worst observer of hijab there ever was by own admission. What I am saying is; everyone is trying their best. Everyone is finding their own path with the help of God and we will all reach a point inshallah where we observe it properly in a manner that pleases God. Not you. No one needs your words of wisdom. If my Lord forgives my mistakes then who the hell are you to tell me x, y and z?

To sum up, Akhi, hijab is not unlike labour pain. And we all know the rule with that one.

No uterus? No opinion.

5 quotes that people dig but I don’t

It’s very grumpy of me I suppose and if you are an overly positive human you will hate this post so I suggest that you don’t read it…take it with a pinch of salt if you do.

1. “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened” – If you say this to people, don’t. It’s patronising as hell. Of course I will cry because it’s over. I probably invested time in whatever it was and it was all for NOTHING. How can that thought possibly make me smile?

2. “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade” – Yeah, no, when life gives you lemons, throw them at people because that’s more productive and possibly even more theraputic.

3. “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain” – What a load of tosh. If we’re being honest, the first thing anyone ever does when it rains is hide. Unless you’re British, you complain then hide. Also, waiting for the storm to pass teaches you patience during harsdship, surely a better lesson than getting soaked and sick?

4. “Shoot for the moon because even when you miss you will land among the stars” – I mean this is basically like me saying cross the road in heavy traffic because even if you get hit by a car, you will get time off work.

5. “Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life” – You kindda will because Monday.

What quotes do your nut in people of the internet? Do tell.

Hello it’s me; I was wondering…

-if after all these weeks ya’ll still remember who the hell I am.

I would like to apologise for this absence and just blame work for not only taking up all my time but my energy as well. I have a writer’s block too which does not help. But here comes a mind numbinly easy post;

1. What’s your favorite candle scent? Anything that smells edible. Vanilla Frosting is the one these days!
2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister? Um, Mindy Kaling?
3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother? None. Why would I want them as my brothers when I could have them as something else?!
4. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married? Dinosaur numbers probably.
5. Do you know a hoarder? Yes, me.
6. Can you do a split? Not without splitting some vessles; so no.
7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? Fun fact; I have never been on a bike. Ever. So now I don’t know how to ride one.
8. How many oceans have you swam in? Another fun fact; I can’t swim, I just stand in the water when I go to the beach.
9. How many countries have you been to? Like four?
10. Is anyone in your family in the army? Nope.
11. What would you name your daughter if you had one? Ruqaya or Leah.
12. What would you name your son if you had one? Tariq or Nadeem.
13. What’s the worst grade you got on a test? F…
14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child? Detective Conan.
15. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight? Never celebrated it.
16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series? The first and last, yes.
17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent? I happen to have both actually. I am always told this.
18. Did your mother go to college? I believe so.
19. Are your grandparents still married? Paternal are no more. My maternal grandmother is now a widow.
20. Have you ever taken karate lessons? Nay.
21. Do you know who Kermit the frog is? Of course.
22. What’s the first amusement park you’ve been to? Al-hoban – Yemen.
23. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in? Italian.
24. Do you spell the color as grey or gray? Grey and not because of Grey.
25. Is your father bald? No.
26. Do you know triplets? I don’t even know twins.
27. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook? The Notebook.
28. Have you ever had Indian food? Like everyday…
29. What’s the name of your favorite restaurant? I don’t have any at the moment.
30. Have you ever been to Olive Garden? Nay.
31. Do you belong to any warehouse stores (Costco, BJ’s, etc.)? Nope.
32. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender? Mohamed or Khaled.
33. If you have a nickname, what is it? Tam.
34. Who’s your favorite person in the world? No one. 
35. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs? Suburbs…
36. Can you whistle? Not very well.
37. Do you sleep with a nightlight? No. It has to be pitch black.
38. Do you eat breakfast every morning? I have started to.
39. Do you take any pills or medication daily? I should but I do not.
40. What medical conditions do you have? Well that’s a bit personal 🤔
41. How many times have you been to the hospital? As a patient? Once.
42. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo? No actually.
43. Where do you buy your jeans? Wherever it’s cheap 😂
44. What’s the last compliment you got? “You’re pretty but you frown a lot…”
45. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning? Only for an hour then poof; gone.
46. What flavor tea do you enjoy? Karak.
47. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own? One; I know.
48. What religion will you raise your children to practice? Islam inshallah.
49. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real? Don’t celebrate Christmas so never believed in him but was a fan of his work.
50. Why do you have a tumblr? Why do you assume I do?

Found these online. I forget where now. Just Googled random questions because I am sad like that.

It’s 1:07am

…on a school night i.e. a work night and I am wide awake, despite waking up early this morning for work and coming back home exhausted.

Why am I awake at daft o’clock? Frustration. With my self, with my life, with pretty much everything. I am so done with my work life. I have lost the love for it last year (way beyond that if we’re being completely honest) and had a long battle of whether to leave the job or not.

In the end, I decided to fight for a better position to get more money which in the end wasn’t even that much but either way I don’t feel as fulfilled as I thought I would be for resolving the finance side of things. I appreciate the extra money and I would not pick the alternative but…

I get so pissed at myself sometimes. I turn to myself in my head and say; what the hell do you want from me? I did everything. I do everything I know how to do (that simultaneously does not throw my anxiety of unfamiliar things into a tornado) in order to get out of this rut and yet here I am.

I work, I self published a book for crying out loud (it’s not doing so great btw). I wrote twentyseven chapters of a story that I thought off myself. I take photos more than ever and post them practically everywhere. 

But nothing happens nothing becomes of any of that. Don’t tell me these things take time because I have been at it for time and I am almost 30. In my culture that’s grandmaesque.

What am I going to do with my life? When is it going to be something more than this? When something changes is the monotonous answer a therapist would give me. Because that is their go to response for everything. But if you read above, you will see evidence that I have been implementing a lot of change into my life.

I know I am blessed of course I do. I probably have 90% of what 90% of the world doesn’t have -which makes me plenty privileged- and I feel guilty and conflicted for feeling all of the above. Part of me thinks just shush and get on with it. The other part of course says no; I can’t die after doing only this. I cannot be remembered as the girl who woke up went to work, was barely memorable and died.

 I don’t know why I am writing this. It is not an audition to win your emotion, presuming you read this far, for best sob story. But I am potentially facing the worst day tomorrow judging by the timetable of things I gotta do that I got emailed a few hours ago. I don’t like having work shoved onto me by people who are masters of delegation, people that bleed you dry and still deem your efforts unworthy. And I…

I’m that coldplay song right now; spider web and I’m caught in the middle.

Day 3 of the New Year and already…

-people are pissing me off.

1. If you could speak to anyone in heaven, who would it be? – My brother probably. He was a still born. He would have been 24 today. I often think about him.

2. What memory do you replay the most in your mind? – Any that involve me laughing.

3. Do you have any recurring dreams? – I often dream that I am being chased. I also dream about snakes a lot and I don’t care what Freud says about that one; it’s not true!

4. At what age did you learn the most about yourself? – Between 16 – 18 I would say.

5. When was the last time you were disappointed in yourself? – I am frequently disappointed in myself. Right now for instance for letting things and people get to me when we are only 3 days into the new year; which was supposed to be a nice fresh start. Grr.

6. Is there someone that you’ll never forgive? – I always forgive eventually. But I never forget.

7. Which time period do you like the best, aesthetically speaking? – Maybe the 60s?

8. In what ways have you grown over the course of your life? – I put myself 1st a lot more than I used to in the past.

9. Do you think your parents are proud of where you are in life? – I’d like to think so. But I know they want me to achieve more.

10. Is there a teacher that you wish you could call up and thank? – I’ve always been vocal with how I feel about my teachers so if they deserved my thanks I gave it to them in abundance.

11. What’s the worst physical pain that you’ve ever suffered through? – I am fortunate in that respect so nothing that I couldn’t handle. Alhamdulilah. Once a month though I am willing to give you a different answer 😒

12. What couple (that you personally know) do you look up to? – Ooh, that would be none. If you pushed me for an answer I’d say my aunt and her husband for being hilarious people.

13. What scent reminds you of your childhood? – The beach.and certain perfumes from the 90s.

14. What don’t you regret that you probably should? – Letting certain people trespass their way into my life. Likewise, gatecrashing to places where I really shouldn’t have been. It was fun and I can’t bring myself to regret it.

15. What’s the most intimate thing a couple could do together? – Just sit and have a deep conversation for hours.

16. Which song lyric has had the biggest impact on you? – “Chahe jo tumhe poore dil se – milta hai voh mushkil se…” probably.

17. What’s the one thing that would really annoy you if it were to come true? – Becoming famous / well known / appreciated AFTER I die. The idea would bother me. What’s the point? I would want to live that, to see that.

18. When do you feel the most attractive? – When I straighten my hair.

19. What’s the nicest thing you’ve ever done for someone else? – I dunno I am a very nice person. My friend was sick once so drove over to her place with a care package; pain killers, tissues, orange juice. Another friend was depressed because of revision so drove over with coffee and donuts.

20. What unanswerable question bothers you the most? – What will I be doing with myself in five years?

21. What do you think the best part of being married is? – Companionship I guess.

22. Have you ever had a premonition that came true? – Yeah, that the temporary job I got was gonna last longer than I intended it to. Fast forward 6 years and I am still there.

23. At what age did you start to consider yourself an adult? – 20 for sure.

24. What is the meanest thing your inner voice tells you? – It tells me that being paranoid is normal before proceeding to provide me with an abundance of material to get paranoid over.

25. Do you consider yourself a spiritual person? – Yeah…

26. What do you think your purpose in life is? – Spread as much kindness as possible and do enough good deeds before you leave the world that that is all people remember about you when you die.

27. Were you ever tempted to cheat on a past partner? – What past partner? 

28. What do you do when you’re feeling lonely? – I go to my bed and watch YouTube videos. Or I write. Or I edit photos. The irony of course being that all those activities are done alone which probably leads to me feeling lonlier.

29. What type of animal would you like to be reincarnated as? – I don’t believe in that but a bird would be nice.

30. Do you believe every life has an equal value? – Yes…

31. Do you daydream more about the future or your past? – Probably the past. The future is such a big question mark for me.

32. What would instantly make you fall out of love with someone? – Betrayal

33. Do you believe you’re going to be a good parent? – I have serious doubts sometimes.

34. What scares you the most about growing old? – Being viewed as a burden and not being taken seriously anymore.

35. Do you like the sound of your name? – I am learning to like it as I didn’t for the longest time.

36. Which celebrity do you think you’d be BFFs with? – Anushka Sharma?

37. Do you believe in fortune tellers and tarot cards? – Not even a little bit.

38. How long did it take you to learn to love yourself? – LONG

39. What do you think the afterlife consists of? – Anything I want it to if I make it to heaven inshallah.

40. Have you ever manipulated someone to get what you wanted? – I’d be lying if I said no.

41. Do you believe in love at first sight or do you think it takes time to grow? – Obviously it takes time.

42. Which celebrity death impacted you the most? – Alan Rickman?

43. Do you write in script or print? – A bit of both.

44. Which wild animal do you wish you could keep as a pet? – None, I don’t like animals *cue boos*

45. Do you believe in destiny? – Yeah…

46. If you had to get a tattoo to honor someone, who would it be? – Honestly, I’d probably just get a quote ai liked. Hypothetically speaking because I wouldn’t get a tattoo.

47. Do you feel like anything is missing from your life? – Mental security, stability and peace of mind. I am a constant worrier.

48. What’s the most childish thing you still love to do? – Lick the icing off the cake when no one is looking.

49. What bad habit have you managed to break? – Biting my nails.

50. Do you believe success comes in the form of money or happiness? BOTH. People that say money doesn’t buy you happiness are in lala land. Money can open doors that lead you to happiness. Let us not kid ourselves. It’s not a popular opinion but I believe in it.

500 followers!

Well. Some people manage it in 3 months; it took yours truly 3 years but I did it. I mean, I say I don’t care about the number of followers I have as that number is not always reflected in the interaction with the material I produce but still, 500 is the most followers I have had on any online platform so woop, woop!

If you are new on here; welcome to the mad house. Here’s some stuff you may have missed about me.

  • I am a mental human being who will blog about anything under the sun. Perhaps not about the sun itself though, because cold weather is the one.
  • Photography and writing are my two passions! 
  • I wrote a book about an arranged marriage situation in the Islamic / Asian culture which is available as an ebook on Amazon Kindle. Cheaper than a Starbucks drink. Get it, review it, tell people about it; I shall love thee forever!
  • You can find me on twitter and instagram where I definitely do not have 500 followers! 😂
  • My 1st blog post and perhaps the one dearest to my heart was Yemen Through my Eyes.
  • The name for my blog is a stupid phrase we used to say back in the motherland when we didn’t have an answer to a question. Probably originates from an old film or play. Also, I felt it was symbolic as I never know the answer to much!
  • Some of the photos on there included;

    Anyway! Here’s 5 random facts about me that to celebrate 500 followers!

    1. I very rarely answer the phone when people call me. All my friends know to text me not call. Never call. I just feel awkward talking on the phone.
    2. I always sleep with a fan on. Even in winter. It is rare for me to feel cold.
    3. I taught myself Urdu and Turkish just by watching films and programmes in those two languages.
    4. I can become dizzy very easily. So 4DX movies & theme parks are definitely not my idea of fun.
    5. When Deathly Hallows (the book!) came out, I queued up at midnight for it, went home and read it for 12 hours straight. Yep; didn’t sleep until I finished it.