Love

Nana Speaks; Revisited

Hey ya’ll.

Depending on how long you have been following my blog, you will know that a couple of years ago (I think!) I started a series called Nana Speaks which consists of some extracts I have been sharing from my Grandfather’s memoirs so to speak. More details of course can be found in Part 1 of the series where I talked about this little mission of mine to get Nana’s name on the literary map. Obviously, I didn’t manage to get him published, hell I can’t even get myself published and I am alive.

Still, I shared with you all his thoughts on matters that he had on his mind prior to passing away, his thoughts on friends and family, the poetic way in which he talked about being homesick, and of course more and more beautiful words he shared on the old computer before his death. If you have nothing to do, I encourage you to read it all. Your soul will be enriched.

I am sorry to say that the last time I visited his documents was February 2016 which is shameful. I can only blame work and the fact that the USB I had saved all his work on decided to go ahead and stop working and recovering the bulk of work was a mission and a half. But anyway, I am off work at the moment and on the hunt for more beautiful words to share with you all. Please spare him a prayer when you read. Thank you.

Side note; I normally edit the work’s font and capitalisation to make it look presentable but I thought it might be fun today to invite you to see it exactly how he wrote it. I’m not sure why he capitalised some words but I know that the highlights were to help him see the words better as his vision was compromised towards the end of his life Bless him.

***

In SINGAPORE, I caught sight of two wrapped chocolate pieces on the bed  above a card reading `sweet dreams` and signed off, above a good night wish, by the chamber maid who did my bed. As part, I  guess, of winning friends for the hotel. In my hand from a drawer of a wardrobe around – were valuable photographs bringing back memories of friends and relatives in different apparels and poses  preserved in an album. The people represented by the photos came to me in a dream, and, I spent a lovely time with them. Missing them so much led to my next day booking an air ticket to Yemen where they were [mostly in Aden].

 

Always recall the education/education/education mantra. Three of my own kids took advantage of it. One being a doctor, a BSc and a holder of a degree in Middle Eastern studies, which handsomely pay back already.

 

Despite the bitterly cold weather, I watched many children have fun outside making and throwing snowballs at each other.  In fact, their cheerfulness made us want to have a look at the Christmas lights in town and we looked forward to hearing the xmas songs played at this time of the year like `White Christmas` in many shopping areas. But I could not dare step out of the house not to encounter catostrophies, like `flu` as a senior lad suffering from stroke and other illnesses. Instead, we chose doing something we had remembered doing 15 years or so ago at this kind of festive period, like going to the mall.

I find the fact that he refers to himself as a “senior lad” so adorable ♥ I also find myself smiling at the memory of how much cold weather terrified him bless him. Anyway, I feel like this is a good one to end this post with, until the next time.

Out of love for me and in the interest of my own longevity, he [my son] thought that it was good for me to be amidst, or close to, a telephone set so I could hear the voices of relations and friends as easily as possible.  The happiness following that, made him feel amazingly better, as it would. At least according to Asian traditions and, I guess, within many other cultures –  as simple as that. Time that I now sign off. It could well be an insult to your intelligence and unfair to talk about this any more. With that in mind, now signing off and wishing you all best at all times, wherever you may be.

Marriage Good Or Bad; A Debate Between Two Bloggers


 Marriage is good but is it?

Bilal: Are you in?

Tam: Naturally you would go for that title.


Bilal: Today we have the Infamous ‘Tam’ amongst our ranks, some say she is a He and some say she is a she but we can’t really tell.


Tam: Seriously?


Bilal: First and foremost before I go for my introductions we would want our viewers to understand the nature of your existence? Since you have explicitly required us to make your identity as covert as possible.


Tam: I feel like at this stage everyone and their mother knows who I am, so we’re good. I exist and am fairly active on blog. Until I have a tantrum and leave. Only to return shortly after.


Bilal: That is understandable, I don’t need introductions anyway – I’ll just regard myself as a Reasonable Human. So about the topic do you feel nervous even though we know that you have taken on the subject quite many times?


Tam: Hold up. Introductions wise, Bilal is the guy correcting my spellings as we type this. I feel this sums you up rather nicely. As for the topic, it is all I ever talk about, apparently.


Bilal: Very well, yes the upkeep is necessary for everything to look appropriately placed – typos and blank spaces are not okay *sighs*. Yes that is exactly why we chose you for this. To start off I am not married are you?


Tam: Is this a bad time to say I have an announcement to make?


Bilal: Definitely not, however I am the one interviewing so I am kinda the boss here. You can say whatever you like.


Tam: I believe we are posting this on my territory. How does this make you boss? Please proceed.


Bilal: The interviewer is always the boss. As I was saying (politely before) about your Marriage?


Tam: I’m married to my work. Mashallah me.


Bilal: Right Right that’s informative and … (completely absurd to mention) good that you love your work. I believe by saying that, you are trying to say that you are not married to a human like species yet.


Tam: Yes, negative. Not married to human or otherwise.


Bilal: Oh that’s a good start, I am sure we are absolutely the right type of people to conduct this interview (duh). My first question for you would be; where are you situated? (so we can all judge you and your answers.)


Tam: Obviously we are the worst people for the job, neither of us are married and one of us is semi anti-marriage. But I feel this makes this topic all the more relevant (she says) what do you mean situated? Like on the Globe? England inneh.


Bilal: Hmm, Great Britain (feels fresh air).


Tam: Damp air*


Bilal: I will take your suggestion. Do all people in England get married to humans?


Tam: A woman married herself the other day. I am currently looking for a fatwa in favour of this.


Bilal: I see (ewghukjkhkhkh) … hmm that’s very optimistic of you. I think it’s time for the real question everyone has been waiting for (shall we?) Is Marriage good?


Tam: No one has been waiting for anything, everyone thinks we’re mad and wait, can I swear?


Bilal: Children will be reading this Mam, I hope you can cope with that.


Tam: No they won’t. My followers are mostly adults. Minor anyway. Marriage in my humble opinion is a shitty crappy institution that requires a solid foundation to survive in this day and age. (Stop crossing out my cuss words! Where the democracy at, though?!) I’ve always thought though if you are going to get married you might as well embark on this rocky ride with someone you know really well, i.e. not arranged marriage.


Bilal: I have the task assigned to me as a moderator so I have to do the dirty work. Yes, I would agree with it being a solid foundation and an institution. Which means that you are in favour of ‘that’ type of Marriage, understandable. Why not arranged though?


Tam: Casually wondering what you class as “that” type. Haram ting you mean? I mean look. Arranged marriages work for a lot of people. But for me I can’t fathom the thought. If you’re someone who is seen as desirable in societies’ eyes then boom, easy, the stupid Aunties zoom in on you like hawks and find you someone quick. However, if you are some kind of plain Jane minding your own business then you don’t even make the selection process and when you do, you seldom make it to the judge’s houses. A reference wasted on you, Bilal. As you don’t watch  X Factor and what not. Simply put, “that” type of marriage means people know what they are signing up for. If that makes sense. So the marriage is more likely to work in the long run. No surprises.


Bilal: Right, so basically those who don’t cut in the Aunties selection criteria would naturally be inclined towards ‘that’ type. If I am not wrong from what I understand from your side is that ‘that’ type doesn’t necessarily have to include all the ‘wrong’ things rather just someone whom you know rather than someone whom your parents know only (ahem). Do guys think like that too though?


Tam: I can’t answer that. I am not (moderating haha) a guy. Despite the vicious rumours you keep spreading about me.


Bilal: Let me rephrase that question for you, Aunties are on the hunt for females as you said but does it work in the same way for Uncles looking for potential grooms for girls they know?


Tam: Let me tell you something about the Aunties, yeah? They work overtime, they be’s looking for boys AND girls (don’t correct my grammar and let me speak gangster!) Uncles ain’t gotta do a thing. In typical lazy and useless form of the male species.


Bilal: If I am not wrong in my conclusion on this, wouldn’t it be more sensible to look good to these aunties doing overtime hours than to actually work on becoming a potentially good spouse?


Tam: I can’t speak for all females. However, I am not going to spend my time Barbie-dolling myself so some old hag with a telescope can report back to some poor unsuspecting guy and his family on which route I take to work and what colour socks I wear.


Bilal: That is true, but by the looks of it, that does seem like a good way to just crash into marriage while not risking falling into FOMO. Do aunties get paid for this detective work or do they assume this designation in return of a reward in heaven?


Tam: The heaven thing *rolls eyes* We digress though. From a girl’s perspective, to sum up, marriage is shitty but you have to do it. And if you reach a certain age having not done it, then the reasons are probably because you reached a certain age, because people don’t know you exist and because you have full on given up on the institution and instead spend time on something worthwhile. Why don’t guys get married given that the whole ordeal is 10 times easier for them?


Bilal: There are reasons I am sure, some which I am aware of include Financial Instability – ‘That’ is Trash and Girls need ‘yeah that’. Its one of the foremost reasons guys do not go for it because they have to take responsibility of a female’s entirety for the rest of their lives. They have to work in order to make sure that a female who has always dreamt of living a life of princess (thanks to disney movies) is going to finally think that her dreams will be fulfilled. Every newly married guy tries to deliver his wife that but realises soon enough that it is just not humanly possible for him and that’s when marriage is just a job *drops mic*.


Tam: *picks up mic, yells at him to come back* No girl wants to live like a princess Bilal, this isn’t the 90s bruh. Get with the times. But yeah the whole materialistic thing I get. Sometime’s it’s not girls it’s families mainly wanting this and that for whatever reason. Still, it’s crucial for guys to get married more than girls. And when their time comes, finances aside, it’s still easier.


Bilal: Finances are the most difficult part I think so yes it can’t be put aside at all, NOT AT ALL (not yelling just emphasising).


Tam: Duly noted. Are finances the reason guys your age hold back from marriage thus far?


Bilal: Yes mostly, there’s so much stress on guys my age in my community because they have to work so much in order to fulfill the requirements of the Girl’s family and also the insane amount they need to have to pull the wedding with all its absurd amount of useless stuff.


Tam: Does it feel nice though to know that when you are done saving up and getting over the fact that you have to give more than a Kit Kat and 3 dates for Mahr *rolls eyes* society will still let you marry their daughters regardless of how ancient you have become?


Bilal: Society does accept guys over the age of 30 even for their daughters graduating at like 22 so yes they accept it, if they didn’t then it would be stupid because saving up takes up time naturally.


Tam: As a guy, what do you think of age discrimination in the Asian culture when it comes to marriage specifically aimed at females?


Bilal: I am not in favour of it to be honest. Age is just a number, I wholly believe.


Tam: And that is just a phrase people say for decoration nowadays.


Bilal: At least I know about the things I say so yes. Do you think all of these requirements become irrelevant in ‘that’ type of marriage?


Tam: (By “that” he means love marriages btw) Absolutely. I feel like when people meet each other at uni / work etc. they have a chance to get to know each other quite well. Like the real version not the front you put up indirectly in an arranged marriage situation. If you’ve always wanted to marry someone say, under 25, and you meet someone who is 30 but they tick every other box you would be willing to let that go because you have gotten to know them. Whereas in an arranged marriage you would see 30 and think well why not look else where, without realising that you and that person have a lot of potential to make a marriage work.


Bilal: Hmm, yeah that makes good sense, however don’t you think even in those settings Parents, aunties and what not will still be part of the decision making, and can potentially force stop any such marriage – wouldn’t that break up part be really painful to bear?


Tam: I mean yes, the more emotionally attached you get to a person the harder it is to let them go which is why I guess the Deen and culture advocates arranged marriages as emotions are not at risk. If young people meet and like each other and decide to get married and have the decency to involve parents though, then parents should also have the decency to play along. For the record this is all my personal opinion not backed up but any fatwa. I’m not saying anyone should do this or follow my suggestions.


Bilal: Yes that is understandable. If I have to conclude, I would say that Marriage is a necessity for the population of the world to keep growing and the circle of life to keep running but we should go for arranged marriages no matter how absurd it might sound sometimes but at the same time if there is someone who we don’t like but our parents do then it is our right to say no. Forced marriages are absolutely wrong and haram. Anyway Thank you for your time Miss T Z. I hope we get another chance to discuss something as important as this topic.


Tam: I just hope we don’t get hate mail from everyone for dabbling in a topic that doesn’t directly involve us. Happy to have thee on my end of blogsphere. You practically live in the comments section I should charge you rent.


Bilal: *ignores rent part* I hope the readers would understand our intentions in a positive manner while discussing the issues.

Stay blessed.


Tam: He is so ambitious using “readers” (plural) but it’s good to be hopeful. Also, haram Police if you are lurking, kindly go away. God bless.

My attempt at explaining things that I forgot I Googled…

Internet history is a bitch ain’t it.

1. Akshay Kumar – I can’t even… I think I was trying to find out how old he was. My grandmother and I were trying to work out whether he was older than the Khan trio or not. Because we are cool people.

2. Perennial Rhinitis- I don’t even know what it is. I think I was helping a colleague spell it.

3. Firefighter one word or two- because I wasn’t sure ok?

4. Contractions- I meant the ones in grammar. Google decided to throw me an image of a woman writhing in pain… I was viewing it on a projected screen… in a room full of children.

5. Meaningful “Would you rather” questions- becuase I was doing an interview with self post and Google was showing me shitty questions like; would you rather have legs as long as fingers or fingers as long as legs…

6. Escobar- … don’t even ask. I heard his name referenced a lot on a show I was watching so I got curious. Let me save you the search; he’s a columbian drug lord.

7. Morello cherries- had them on pancakes last week and then had a brief moment of panic that they had alcohol in them. I only know regular cherries ok.

8. Work- woke up feeling unwell and wanted to call in sick. Forgot work’s number so instead of typing work into contacts, did it on Google…

Hello it’s me; I was wondering…

-if after all these weeks ya’ll still remember who the hell I am.

I would like to apologise for this absence and just blame work for not only taking up all my time but my energy as well. I have a writer’s block too which does not help. But here comes a mind numbinly easy post;

1. What’s your favorite candle scent? Anything that smells edible. Vanilla Frosting is the one these days!
2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister? Um, Mindy Kaling?
3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother? None. Why would I want them as my brothers when I could have them as something else?!
4. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married? Dinosaur numbers probably.
5. Do you know a hoarder? Yes, me.
6. Can you do a split? Not without splitting some vessles; so no.
7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? Fun fact; I have never been on a bike. Ever. So now I don’t know how to ride one.
8. How many oceans have you swam in? Another fun fact; I can’t swim, I just stand in the water when I go to the beach.
9. How many countries have you been to? Like four?
10. Is anyone in your family in the army? Nope.
11. What would you name your daughter if you had one? Ruqaya or Leah.
12. What would you name your son if you had one? Tariq or Nadeem.
13. What’s the worst grade you got on a test? F…
14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child? Detective Conan.
15. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight? Never celebrated it.
16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series? The first and last, yes.
17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent? I happen to have both actually. I am always told this.
18. Did your mother go to college? I believe so.
19. Are your grandparents still married? Paternal are no more. My maternal grandmother is now a widow.
20. Have you ever taken karate lessons? Nay.
21. Do you know who Kermit the frog is? Of course.
22. What’s the first amusement park you’ve been to? Al-hoban – Yemen.
23. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in? Italian.
24. Do you spell the color as grey or gray? Grey and not because of Grey.
25. Is your father bald? No.
26. Do you know triplets? I don’t even know twins.
27. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook? The Notebook.
28. Have you ever had Indian food? Like everyday…
29. What’s the name of your favorite restaurant? I don’t have any at the moment.
30. Have you ever been to Olive Garden? Nay.
31. Do you belong to any warehouse stores (Costco, BJ’s, etc.)? Nope.
32. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender? Mohamed or Khaled.
33. If you have a nickname, what is it? Tam.
34. Who’s your favorite person in the world? No one. 
35. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs? Suburbs…
36. Can you whistle? Not very well.
37. Do you sleep with a nightlight? No. It has to be pitch black.
38. Do you eat breakfast every morning? I have started to.
39. Do you take any pills or medication daily? I should but I do not.
40. What medical conditions do you have? Well that’s a bit personal 🤔
41. How many times have you been to the hospital? As a patient? Once.
42. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo? No actually.
43. Where do you buy your jeans? Wherever it’s cheap 😂
44. What’s the last compliment you got? “You’re pretty but you frown a lot…”
45. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning? Only for an hour then poof; gone.
46. What flavor tea do you enjoy? Karak.
47. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own? One; I know.
48. What religion will you raise your children to practice? Islam inshallah.
49. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real? Don’t celebrate Christmas so never believed in him but was a fan of his work.
50. Why do you have a tumblr? Why do you assume I do?

Found these online. I forget where now. Just Googled random questions because I am sad like that.

Day 3 of the New Year and already…

-people are pissing me off.

1. If you could speak to anyone in heaven, who would it be? – My brother probably. He was a still born. He would have been 24 today. I often think about him.

2. What memory do you replay the most in your mind? – Any that involve me laughing.

3. Do you have any recurring dreams? – I often dream that I am being chased. I also dream about snakes a lot and I don’t care what Freud says about that one; it’s not true!

4. At what age did you learn the most about yourself? – Between 16 – 18 I would say.

5. When was the last time you were disappointed in yourself? – I am frequently disappointed in myself. Right now for instance for letting things and people get to me when we are only 3 days into the new year; which was supposed to be a nice fresh start. Grr.

6. Is there someone that you’ll never forgive? – I always forgive eventually. But I never forget.

7. Which time period do you like the best, aesthetically speaking? – Maybe the 60s?

8. In what ways have you grown over the course of your life? – I put myself 1st a lot more than I used to in the past.

9. Do you think your parents are proud of where you are in life? – I’d like to think so. But I know they want me to achieve more.

10. Is there a teacher that you wish you could call up and thank? – I’ve always been vocal with how I feel about my teachers so if they deserved my thanks I gave it to them in abundance.

11. What’s the worst physical pain that you’ve ever suffered through? – I am fortunate in that respect so nothing that I couldn’t handle. Alhamdulilah. Once a month though I am willing to give you a different answer 😒

12. What couple (that you personally know) do you look up to? – Ooh, that would be none. If you pushed me for an answer I’d say my aunt and her husband for being hilarious people.

13. What scent reminds you of your childhood? – The beach.and certain perfumes from the 90s.

14. What don’t you regret that you probably should? – Letting certain people trespass their way into my life. Likewise, gatecrashing to places where I really shouldn’t have been. It was fun and I can’t bring myself to regret it.

15. What’s the most intimate thing a couple could do together? – Just sit and have a deep conversation for hours.

16. Which song lyric has had the biggest impact on you? – “Chahe jo tumhe poore dil se – milta hai voh mushkil se…” probably.

17. What’s the one thing that would really annoy you if it were to come true? – Becoming famous / well known / appreciated AFTER I die. The idea would bother me. What’s the point? I would want to live that, to see that.

18. When do you feel the most attractive? – When I straighten my hair.

19. What’s the nicest thing you’ve ever done for someone else? – I dunno I am a very nice person. My friend was sick once so drove over to her place with a care package; pain killers, tissues, orange juice. Another friend was depressed because of revision so drove over with coffee and donuts.

20. What unanswerable question bothers you the most? – What will I be doing with myself in five years?

21. What do you think the best part of being married is? – Companionship I guess.

22. Have you ever had a premonition that came true? – Yeah, that the temporary job I got was gonna last longer than I intended it to. Fast forward 6 years and I am still there.

23. At what age did you start to consider yourself an adult? – 20 for sure.

24. What is the meanest thing your inner voice tells you? – It tells me that being paranoid is normal before proceeding to provide me with an abundance of material to get paranoid over.

25. Do you consider yourself a spiritual person? – Yeah…

26. What do you think your purpose in life is? – Spread as much kindness as possible and do enough good deeds before you leave the world that that is all people remember about you when you die.

27. Were you ever tempted to cheat on a past partner? – What past partner? 

28. What do you do when you’re feeling lonely? – I go to my bed and watch YouTube videos. Or I write. Or I edit photos. The irony of course being that all those activities are done alone which probably leads to me feeling lonlier.

29. What type of animal would you like to be reincarnated as? – I don’t believe in that but a bird would be nice.

30. Do you believe every life has an equal value? – Yes…

31. Do you daydream more about the future or your past? – Probably the past. The future is such a big question mark for me.

32. What would instantly make you fall out of love with someone? – Betrayal

33. Do you believe you’re going to be a good parent? – I have serious doubts sometimes.

34. What scares you the most about growing old? – Being viewed as a burden and not being taken seriously anymore.

35. Do you like the sound of your name? – I am learning to like it as I didn’t for the longest time.

36. Which celebrity do you think you’d be BFFs with? – Anushka Sharma?

37. Do you believe in fortune tellers and tarot cards? – Not even a little bit.

38. How long did it take you to learn to love yourself? – LONG

39. What do you think the afterlife consists of? – Anything I want it to if I make it to heaven inshallah.

40. Have you ever manipulated someone to get what you wanted? – I’d be lying if I said no.

41. Do you believe in love at first sight or do you think it takes time to grow? – Obviously it takes time.

42. Which celebrity death impacted you the most? – Alan Rickman?

43. Do you write in script or print? – A bit of both.

44. Which wild animal do you wish you could keep as a pet? – None, I don’t like animals *cue boos*

45. Do you believe in destiny? – Yeah…

46. If you had to get a tattoo to honor someone, who would it be? – Honestly, I’d probably just get a quote ai liked. Hypothetically speaking because I wouldn’t get a tattoo.

47. Do you feel like anything is missing from your life? – Mental security, stability and peace of mind. I am a constant worrier.

48. What’s the most childish thing you still love to do? – Lick the icing off the cake when no one is looking.

49. What bad habit have you managed to break? – Biting my nails.

50. Do you believe success comes in the form of money or happiness? BOTH. People that say money doesn’t buy you happiness are in lala land. Money can open doors that lead you to happiness. Let us not kid ourselves. It’s not a popular opinion but I believe in it.

The problem with arranged marriages

​Having dedicated my blog to writing for three whole years, I figured this was the year to focus on photography given that it is my other major interest. Alas… something ticked me off this evening that I now feel I must write slash vent about, so;

Where my fellow brownies at? Gather round. Ya’ll will know what I’m saying.

At 29, the one question I always get is; when are you going to get married?Actually people seem to have accepted my spinsterhood now and they do not even ask me this anymore. I don’t know whether this should make me feel relieved or depressed. It sucks that that’s all anyone can think about, but we all know that that is how things roll in the Asian slash Arab culture. I belong to both so double whammy.

My answer to people that ask me that is that I just haven’t met anyone yet. Then they say; why not try arranged marriages, stop being too romantic, don’t wait for the one he will never come.

Yes, being female does carry the unfortunate expectation with it that one day some dbag will find his way to you and think you aight enough to spend the rest of his life with. Maybe he hasn’t shown up yet because I keep referring to him as dbag but you know…

I digress. The reason I prefer the idea of meeting someone solo and not as an arrangement set up by a third party has little to do with romance. Rather it is because that way, people know what to expect. They take you with your flaws knowingly because they have seen something in you. They know what they are signing up for.

With a set up, ya’ll swap info and you get rejected based on what fits their bill. If I send a guy a photo of me and he says no to marriage straight after, it’s very likely that it’s because he saw something in the photo that he didn’t like and vice versa for girls. This doesn’t sit well with me for many reasons but it is what it is. I’m not going to sit here and argue that as humans we don’t have preferences when it comes to looks becuase well, we are only human.

Let’s take a step back though to the advertising process that happens before photos are exchanged. Arranged marriages happen when that dreaded aunty in your family knows someone that knows someone that knows someone who wants to get married and thinks you would be a good match so she gets the ball rolling on your behlaf.

Alternatively, because this is 2017, people now have whatsapp groups where people throw information about their son / daughter / nephew / cousin etc in the hopes that someone will spot this info and immediately think of a perfect match that they could reccomend. A halal dating service without the dating if you will.

My friend is in one of these groups and so I borrowed her phone for an hour to sift through thousands of messages from men listing their name, jobs, hobbies and preferences in a life partner. I started reading with amusement. This amusement though soon turned into other emotions that reminded why I’ve always subconciously rejected the idea of arranged marriages.

I noticed that the three major qualities that featured regularly in all life partner requests on the whatsapp group were for the girl to be; fair / light skinned, 5’4″ and above and slim to medium build. 

My friend and I laughed about how absurd and deluded some of these men and their mothers were. Later on my own mother asked me why I didn’t look for someone I liked from the list. I felt very strange when I told her, honestly, it was because no one on the list wanted someone like me.

I didn’t want to sound like a sob story to my mother. So I feel a disclaimer is in order; I don’t want anyone to console me by saying that I will find someone when the time is right and blah because it’s all good. Marriage has never appealed to me per se. Everyone I know tells me not to do it. I love travelling and married people don’t get to do that without kids and 2 extra lots of expenses. I live at home where I am free to do whatever I want (within reason!) My meals are always prepared for me because my mother says I can’t cook to save my life; hopefully no potentials are reading this ha! My dad likes to make me tea in my travel mug before I go to work. I am illustrating these facts to make it a point that I am not distressed about being single. I live a life most married people tell me they envy. Then I tell them to say mashallah because nazar.

But the fact of the matter was, most guys wanted tall, fair and slim girls. I am none of the three. It puts me right outside the loop of what is desired. That’s fine, to each his own. 

Fair enough. It’s not just these guys that are being unreasonable. I am very short and I want someone who is very tall so that’s me being unreasonable too. Aside from the fact that I find taller guys more attractive anyway (hello bias, nice to see you) I need to give my children a chance at life. I need them to at least be average height because let’s face it being short sucks. I got bullied for it a lot. Also, you can’t reach anything. Trust me. I even need a ladder to reach my dreams. It’s so inconvinient.

I cannot do much about being dark to be honest. Well I could with make up I suppose but why should I fam? If you want white go date rice. Stay away from me.

As for “what build are you?” Yeah I am not slim at all. I’m not even medium bruh. I should really do something about that one but for my bmi not your demanding ass dbag.

I guess what I am trying to say is I always get asked why I am too narrow minded when it comes to arrange marriage. And no, it is not becuase I am picky. It is because subconciously I know I don’t possess many of the physical qualities that the majority of guys (and their deluded mothers) are after. So, I am saving myself the rejection in advance. I don’t need that toxic energy in my life. I have plenty to keep me going.

So unless dbag wants to show up and take me willingly despite my many flaws, I am quite happy continuing to live in my folks’ house where frankly they always find things to keep me occupied anyway.

Finally, to sum up; thank you aunty, but arranged marriages, though work perfectly for many, they are just not for me.