Men and the Hijab

No, I’m not going to talk about men’s hijab and how they should lower their gaze because a) I try not to be captain obvious, men should know this anyway and b) I need to find me a fella, so if all the mandem be’s looking at the floor then… what? I can’t say that? Aight. Moving on.

I struggle, I honestly do, to understand why some men feel like they need to have their say on the hijab. In my humble opinion, unless they are a scholar, or training to become someone who is dedicating their life to studying the deen for the greater good of the ummah, and they are asked for a fatwa regarding hijab… then said men should have several seats and pipe down.

I feel like dads can have a (gentle) say in it up until the girl reaches a certain age. Brothers… I mean, I think they should stay out of it too personally, but some girls have good enough relationships with their brothers not to mind hearing their views. Husbands unfortunately get a say in it, even I have to admit, but other than that, I am not sure why everyone men feel like they have the right to pass opinions on hijabs and the wearers of it at all.

I know Islam encourages naseeha in the name of caring for one another and this is why a lot of bhai log feel they have a leg to stand on when it comes to throwing hijab sermons like confetti. This is a little phenomena I like to call; Islam said therefore I am syndrome by the way. At which point I have to refrain from asking men, “tell me one thing Islam said men should do, anything will do.”

The emphasis on naseeha in Islam bothers me sometimes because generally, I hate advice unless I specifically ask for it. But also, I honestly think if God knew how appalling some people’s approach to naseeha is these days, he would revoke that license real quick.

I wish I could tell every man who would listen that hijab is hard. But unfortunately not all men want to listen. Here I am saying it anyway.

Wearing something that competely alters your appearance is hard. It makes you a target for bigots, you get catcalled anyway, mostly by muslim men for the record. Living in the west and wearing it makes you stick out like a sore thumb. It’s horrible. There, I said it. But we do it willingly anyway. Why? For God. End of.

So then, when some pillock comes along and declares in the comments section of some young hijabi’s instagram (where he should not even be loitering like a creep, by the way) that her hijab is not technically hijab because her neck is exposed, or her fringe is out, or her ankles are showing… I start to lose the will to live.

Fam, it’s not easy for young girls okay? She wants to hang on to her deen AND be young and fashionable. Would you rather she left the deen fully and focused on the fashionable bit alone? You think you, a pathetic keyboard warrior hiding behind his screen with his three-haired beard and five Islamic books on the shelf, will make her see “sense”?

Let me break it to you, it ain’t happening. In fact, she will think what’s the point and take the hijab off altogether. Can you live with knowing you made someone hate the deen because you decided to go holier than thou on them?

I am not saying what’s right or wrong here, I am no sheikh and I am not in the business of giving out fatwas, that’s your job. I am probably the worst observer of hijab there ever was by own admission. What I am saying is; everyone is trying their best. Everyone is finding their own path with the help of God and we will all reach a point inshallah where we observe it properly in a manner that pleases God. Not you. No one needs your words of wisdom. If my Lord forgives my mistakes then who the hell are you to tell me x, y and z?

To sum up, Akhi, hijab is not unlike labour pain. And we all know the rule with that one.

No uterus? No opinion.