My sleep cycle is taking the piss these days. And whilst this seems like a random, almost intimate thought to be throwing out there, to be read by people that don’t necessarily know me, it’s 11:37pm and the silence is killing me. So, I currently care very little about that technicality. I shall remember to take some extra self loathing into the shower with me tomorrow to compensate for not punishing myself for it now.
Anyway so much is going on for me at the moment that I don’t know what to do with, it’s un real. Too much actually. Talk to someone they say. But I’m so good at not bothering people in my life with my shit though, why break that habit now? I mean this is why I come and vomit it all over here, then it’s out of my system you know? Like an outlet.
I am so full of dread righ now. You know like when you have too much caffeine and feel the palpitations coming on? I am full of that. Nausea and nerves, ugh. I feel like something bad is going to happen- God forbid. Like I’m motionless as a train heads towards me at full speed. I want someone to come push me out of the way. Like I’m getting drenched in the rain and want someone to offer me shelter. I am grown up enough to know no one is coming and that I need to, in fact, save myself from both debacles. I’m working on it.
Life is such though, that until you figure shit out you just have to deal, no? I know, I know.
On a complete sidenote, why are we so shit towards charitable people? I’m noticing this trend of giving grief in the name of “advice” to people who engage in charitable acts actively on social media. So they documented their act of kindness. Big wow. Who is it hurting? You? Get over it.
It’s probably a good thing they do document it in the hope of it influencing the likes of us (who sit there doing nothing for the world) to lift a finger maybe sometime. Yeah charity is supposed to be done in secret for the most part, but who died and made you God to tell them that? It’s between man and creator so you pipe down, have several seats and let the good people do their shit.