11:37pm and counting

My sleep cycle is taking the piss these days. And whilst this seems like a random, almost intimate thought to be throwing out there, to be read by people that don’t necessarily know me, it’s 11:37pm and the silence is killing me. So, I currently care very little about that technicality. I shall remember to take some extra self loathing into the shower with me tomorrow to compensate for not punishing myself for it now.

I joke.

Anyway so much is going on for me at the moment that I don’t know what to do with, it’s un real. Too much actually. Talk to someone they say. But I’m so good at not bothering people in my life with my shit though, why break that habit now? I mean this is why I come and vomit it all over here, then it’s out of my system you know? Like an outlet.

I am so full of dread righ now. You know like when you have too much caffeine and feel the palpitations coming on? I am full of that. Nausea and nerves, ugh. I feel like something bad is going to happen- God forbid. Like I’m motionless as a train heads towards me at full speed. I want someone to come push me out of the way. Like I’m getting drenched in the rain and want someone to offer me shelter. I am grown up enough to know no one is coming and that I need to, in fact, save myself from both debacles. I’m working on it.

Life is such though, that until you figure shit out you just have to deal, no? I know, I know.

On a complete sidenote, why are we so shit towards charitable people? I’m noticing this trend of giving grief in the name of “advice” to people who engage in charitable acts actively on social media. So they documented their act of kindness. Big wow. Who is it hurting? You? Get over it.

It’s probably a good thing they do document it in the hope of it influencing the likes of us (who sit there doing nothing for the world) to lift a finger maybe sometime. Yeah charity is supposed to be done in secret for the most part, but who died and made you God to tell them that? It’s between man and creator so you pipe down, have several seats and let the good people do their shit.

My God.



  1. I hope you feel ok enough Tam. I know that feeling where you feel something will go wrong inevitably.

    And I agree with you on letting charitable people breathe. Social media has become so negative everywhere I see. With more haters commenting and getting offended over itty bitty little thing.

    1. Thanks babe. Walking the corridors at work like a zombie rn. I’ll have a nap in my car at lunch lol. Also yes. Social media is a bitch. Charitable people are bomb dot com 🙂

  2. O my! I could relate. The best thing I try in such scenarios is to push the thoughts out. Focus on the breathing. Making the room as calm and dark as possible. It may sound very cliche but working out a couple of hours before bedtime followed by warm bath might help. Even if it means running around the house for a brief 20mins. And about what poeple say, don’t allow the negative to effect u so much. People will always speak. We can’t change it. Read positive and imbibe good ❤


    1. I literally live in the dark hate lights 😧 yeah I am recently learning that you can give your soul to people and they will still throw it back in your face and say it was all fake and they shouldn’t have trusted you. Hurts like a bitch but oh well. Can’t make people believe you if they have decided you are the devil, eh?

  3. Hope you feel better soon, Tam. May God protect you from any bad things coming your way, and place amazingly good things in your pathway, ones you desire and been making dua for, ameen. Much love, MM 💕

      1. Hmmm, alive and breathing is good 😛 It’s okay hun, inshAllah, you’ll get through whatever it is that’s difficult for you. We all will. Allah swt says in the Quran that “The believers were tested and shaken with a severe shaking”, and I believe we all are sometimes shaken that way, before relief comes. May Allah swt protect your heart and bless you with ease and khair in all aspects of life, ameen ❤

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