A letter to my younger self: Revisited

Hey Kid,

I know that misery has become your best friend. I know that moving to another country and having to start all over again sucks. I know school is hard and teenagers are basically Satan’s minions. I know you are not telling anyone about school because everyone is busy trying to secure a better life here and your job is to pretend you are loving it. I know you want to go back home. I know you literally stand in the school corridor and use the stupid pay phone to call the house to hear your parents voice and hang up because you have no one to talk to. Put the phone down you sad act, you’re seeing your parents in a few hours the school day is not that long. Go read a book.

I wish I could tell you that you are going to visit home again soon like they keep promising you. But you are not. You will have to wait nine whole years before you see your extended family and old home again but when you do, it will be glorious and it will be MORE than worth the wait, I promise.

The good news is, there will be more trips back home after that and each one will be more life changing than the last. Soon, life is about to get real good for you and I want you to make the most of it. You will meet so many people that will make you feel so many things and from whom you will learn so many lessons. I want you, during this phase to make decisions using your mind and intelligence and not your hormones heart.

Understand that not everyone who promises to stay does. And not everyone who swears undying love for us is always telling the truth. Kindness is not love. Attraction is not love. Pity is not love. Over ambitious promises are not love either. Grasp this and maybe you will save us both some grief, Tam. Trust me.

I wish I could tell you that things are going great now. They are not the best. But, they are not the worst. You are alive, and though you have no career you have work and though you are (still) not social you have a circle of close friends. And though you are in a dark place in your twenties you still have little bursts of happiness now and then and an abundance of blessings to be thankful for. Be thankful. Force yourself if need be.

I wish I could tell you that things are okay back home. But there will be a war, one that will drive your family out of their homes and into hiding. One that, believe it or not, will make you somewhat grateful for escaping home all those years ago. Nonetheless, you will still feel helpless and you will want nothing more than to rush back there and see the people you love, but it’s a waiting game for now.

In other news, remember that lady you met at 21? The one who told you that being alone was great and loving your own company was hella quirky until you get to 25 and realise you should have invested your 20s meeting people? The good news is you got to 25 and felt no such thing. But now that you are heading towards 30…

In other, other news, you are still scared shitless of all animals but you have a cat. Go figure. She fills a major void. You are looking into purchasing property you big grown up, you. But your immune system is crap. You’re gonna get anemia in a couple of years. Don’t ignore it whatever you do.

Please enjoy life more. Please take happiness WHEREVER you find it. Do not wait for permission. Do not begrudge yourself little moments of joy – life is too short for that crap.

Love from a much older if not wiser,

YOU x

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One comment

  1. It’s so honest and you wrote with so much umm …I can’t think of the word softness? Lol, that sounds weird. 😛 But yeah it’s like your talking really nicely to yourself.I wish I did the same.
    missed reading your posts.

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