And by chaos, I mean students cheering (“man like Miss”) for me like I am some kind of Don.
1. Confiscated a shoe (singular) from a child who had a lace obsession (and 3 warnings) then threw it across the room. I’m savage, I know.
2. Threatened an 11 year old thug wannabe that I would hold his hand if he didn’t show me he could be trusted not to run in the corridors. He wanted to try his luck… so guess what I did, infront of all his “mandem” Yep.
3. A kid decided to challenge the “no hat” policy so not only did I take it, I put it on, sideways and walked around the yard like a G. That one got a round of applause. Just sayin’
4. I may have rapped a Roald Dahl extract once to keep a bunch of sleepy 4th graders engaged. That one resulted in a lot of cheering, and complaints from next door classes. My bad.
5. Made the mistake of responding to the compliment “your drawing’s sick Miss!” with “well, someone call an ambulance.” Children are easily amused sometimes.
6. I told off a kid who decided to insult me infront of his friends using his own street lingo seeing as English was lost on him at that point. I believe I said something like, “listen yeah, man’s getting sick and tired of being at the recieving end of your attitude and eye aerobics thinking it’s blessed and dat coz no one can touch you. You got beef? Minor ting. We’ll straighten it up in detention where the pressure to perform for ya mandem ain’t there, aight? That”s what I thought.” Then I proceeded to drop my water bottle like a mic and walked away. Becauce I am nothing if not filmy.
7. Caught kids out when they decide to cuss me out in their own language, by replying in said language. I’ve never seen faces drop in shock so fast and heard “oooooh’s” so loud from the crowd.
8. Dab. Nuff said.
Disclaimer 1: My students love me. I have no idea why. I troll them hard but I still get fascinated 3rd graders asking me, “Miss how come all the kids are really into you? They don’t like other teachers like you.”
Disclaimer 2: If my boss reads this; these are not confessions and thus cannot be used against me in a court of law. So don’t try it G.