Ramadan Reflections; 12 days of

These are specific to me. They aren’t going to be holy… or inspirational so if that’s why you’re here then… un-here yourself because there are far more superior places to be on blogsphere if that’s what you’re after. 

Disclaimer over.

-Does anyone else get scared shitless when their mother starts speaking to them in slow motion?

-I always dread Ramadan falling in summer but subhanallah God always comes through and even though it’s June / July the weather is surprisingly cool for the first few days. Alhamdulilah.

-I have been under eating this Ramadan even by my own admission. I am exhausted and the time window to eat is small so I just leave it. And though I wake up feeling like death’s cousin (I blame anemia) I get on fine. Again, God comes through for you.

-Does anyone feel awkward enjoying the food brought over by the neighbour’s  whilst their mother’s food sits there untouched…so they immediately resume eating her food again?

-You know when I said dark times are ahead of us… well, I can’t help but notice a police van circling the mosque everytime I drop Pops off to Taraweeh. 

-Someone got stabbed and another body was discovered in the park near my house. The one my sister walks through to get to school. May Allah s.w.t protect us all.

-I was trying to guilt trip some rude (Asian) kids into behaving so I said; what month is it?! The one white kid in my class decides to shout; JUNE Miss! I… there were no words. Sidenote; some kids are just beyond reasoning.

-My poor sister asked me; “are we doing the same old thing for Eid this year?” Bless her. We have a set routine. It doesn’t involve much beyond food and family because tam town is so dead that there are only 2 places you can go, so everyone goes there and there’s never parking and the police always wind up coming because Arab, Pakistani and Somali youth think Eid is the time to fight.

-Once upon a time I used to make an effort because I felt obliged to get her excited about it. In fact, I read this post I wrote about Eid 3 years ago and cringed hard. I am so not in the same headspace I was 3 years ago. How time changes us.

-I tried real hard to control my anger this Ramadan. I have mentioned before that this is an annual struggle for me; I have a very short fuse and mashallah I lasted a whole 12 days before I snapped.

– … and when I say snapped, I mean big time. Because I don’t do things half way. Tam goes all out.

*breathes* here comes some oversharing.

-Today, I lost my temper so much, so much that I had to be physically restrained from launching myself at someone who was like 5’10” – yeah, let that sink in. 

-Someone grabbed my arms and yanked me back using some serious force to stop me throwing myself at this person. My body wasn’t having it though. My legs had a mind of their own.

-You know when you are arguing with someone and you are so hurt and so wounded that you cry your words instead of shouting them out? That’s what made me snap.

-Which brings me to… you know how they say the Shaytaan is locked / chained etc. during Ramadan? This really makes you look at yourself and think; my God, so that was all me. I can’t even blame it on Shaytaan. Wow.

-Forgiveness is a healing balm you know. I sat in my car after this incident and just stared ahead. This 16 year old kid on his bike somehow manages to fully break the outer shell of my wing mirror as he drove past it. It falls on the ground and I glare at him THIS close to errupting again.

-He looked at me through the window and started to stutter that he was sorry. He picks the stupid shell up with visibly shaking hands and all my anger disappears. I couldn’t be the reason he was scared. It made me feel nauseous to think he was scared of me. I told him not to panic and just try and slot it back into place. Bless his cotton socks. 

-Somehow, I find it in me to still be able to smile. Alhamdulilah.

Have a blessed rest of the month x

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15 comments

  1. Aww tam it’s alright if you snap… there’s only so much you can take. I mean it is the holy month but yk you can’t just stop all of a sudden. You need time to change. And it’s been 12 days! (Btw I snapped too… and it was at my older sister who hadn’t even done anything so lol)
    Have a BLESSSED month!
    I suppose you’ll hate me if I said I found this funny

  2. It’s okay to snap once in a while and well we are not at all perfect so we are expected to do all the wrong things that people might do when they get angry.

    I’m glad that you are still able to smile because meh I have found that difficult in you.

    Take care.

  3. Ohhh I saw it! In the pic it says Never stop dreaming with a peace sign. πŸ˜€ Nice pic!
    Alhamdulillah you’re lucky weather is good there. πŸ™‚ Here it is pretty hot!
    Am I the only one eating alot.I can’t control myself.This year really I feel I am eating alot. 😦 You’re doing the opposite which is also bad.:P Specially because you work outside.
    Gaah dark times, what is happening in this world I don’t know. Last Ramadan was better right? Only towards the end somethings happened. </3 But now, this year I feel everyday…something.
    Ahahaha JUNE. XD
    12 days is great, teach me something?
    5’10” oooh!
    Aww Tam Keep smiling! ❀

    1. Yeah actually you have a good memory mashallah…I don’t even know. I’m on a major downer. Didn’t go work today. Sigh. I think the reason I don’t eat is coz by the time I’m hungry again it’s time to start fasting we only have like a 5 hour window to eat I think.

      1. Memory? Yeah maybe. But I saw the pic. πŸ˜›
        Is it because of umm the environment outside or fasting? I know fasting is really hard there. 😦 If it’s fasting then you should eat well. πŸ˜€ If it’s the other thing, maybe you should go tomorrow and then you have two days break.Yaay!

    1. I want to but…. kiya kare. Living in a place where only a handful of people celebrate really puts a damper on everything. I am not in the mood to make an effort this year not even for sis. So it will be a bland one. Here’s hoping someone else makes an effort this year.

      1. Me too but I want to make it ‘fun’ for my kid but have no ideas and probably won’t have the energy. Ah the joys! But looking forward to endless Samosas πŸ™‚

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