What I said to my brother on his Birthday vs. What I actually wanted to say

Happy Birthday 

vs.

Bro…when we were younger I remember you used to be like my shadow. This used to annoy me, a lot. I didn’t want you around me all the time. I wanted friends. I had no interest in hanging out with my brother. You were this annoying little thing addicted to cars and (toy) guns and of all things 7Up. Everywhere I went, I had to take you with me because it was “only fair” mum used to say. That’s how I became the only girl that took her little brother to every birthday party she was invited to. It sucked. Partly because this gave me no chance to showcase my non-school personality to my friends. But mostly because you always stole my thunder with your utter cuteness. You were a crowd pleaser from a young age you little shit lol. That hasn’t changed today.

We did have good times despite the ridiculous age gap between us though. Remember how we used to stay up until 5:00am watching shitty tv? Rebellion. We were so excited every night that we stayed up an hour longer it seemed like we were never going to accomplish anything bigger than that.

And whilst we’re still on memory lane. Remember how you split my head open with the steel bar holding the wheels of your toy car together? I’ve never seen so much blood in my life.

One of my earliest memories of your younger years though is how kind you used to be. Anytime someone used to buy you something you would always ask them where my share was. Regardless of whether or not they even knew who I was. You used to come crying to me when mum wasn’t around. 

And then of course there was the phase whereby you kept telling people you were going to live with me because you didn’t want to get married and leave me.

Fast forward a few years and I have no idea who you are. I hardly ever see you. The extended curfews I pleaded for on your behalf from mum, so you could hang out with the boys, like all other guys your age have come back to bite me in the ass big time. I never see you anymore. You got older and bigger and became a force to be reckoned with.

Ironically, it is now me that wants to spend time with you but you’re the one too busy making friends and wanting as little as possible to do with family. You have built too many doors around you and I have lost the way trying to find you, let alone find the key to any of them.

I can’t find you because you don’t want to be found so I have given up which is why I have been so cold with you lately, if you’re wondering or if you’ve noticed even.

Anyway another year comes along with me wishing you good health, some wealth lest a lot of it go to your ginormous head. Good days and a lot of guidance from God to keep you on the straight path which you constantly stray from. And here’s hoping that we are not headed for an ice berg of a cliché whereby we find each other again only when it is too late. Be good.

Tam x

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7 comments

  1. Sibling relationships can be tricky. To be honest, I only got to understand and fully appreciate my siblings when I was married. Probably due to the fact that someone else was in control of when/how/why I was allowed to see/talk to them. It made me appreciate that my siblings are the only people who will really know the real me.
    I pray your relationship with your brother gets better. Xx

    1. That’s the cliché I was referring to. My mother is now closer to all her siblings coz she’s married. I’d like us to make up before then. Thank you. Inshallah it will 😁

  2. My brother was my little tail as my friends used to call him, He used to go with me to all parties too , those were the best days ,still bring a smile to my face !! May Allah imbibe the love between you and your brother as it was in childhood and it should always increase! Ameen.

  3. Kids who grew up with social media are jahannam to deal with, songs, kids, whatever. I secretly despise my selfish pig-headed, white-worshiping younger siblings and students whom you always have to be afraid of because there right arrogant, flightless, fickle scum who have you in a constant state of fear and anxiety and have no concept of ghayrah, shame, modesty, deen, loyalty to Muslims and to our people and ate the last narcissist human trash of a generation ever. They are completely backwards losers who undo all the work the past 2 generations have done to expose white supremacism, the history of colonialism, orientatalism, and anti-Muslim bigotry. And worst of all they make life hell on earth for their parents.

    I’m damned glad I grew up in the 90s.

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