Interview with self| Episode 102, this one’s deep ya’ll

1. What are your nicknames? What do you prefer to be called? Tam…

2. What books on your shelf are begging to be read? The Good Immigrant.

3. How often do you doodle? What do your doodles look like? Anytime I am in a meeting. They’re… doodly.

4. What do you do if you can’t sleep at night? Evidently I interview myself and then post it on here!

5. How many days could you last in solitary confinement? How would you do it? See this is interesting. Because though I don’t think I’d last long. I’d last longer than most people I know. Maybe 3-5 days? I’d just pray myself into sanity.

6. Do you save old greeting cards and letters? Throw them away? I did actually until recently where I disposed of some I’d had since 1997. Hoarder… sentimental; you decide.

7. Who is the biggest pack rat you know? *Googles meaning of pack rat* omg lol! Me clearly. See cards since 1997 comment above.

8. When making an entrance in to a party, do you make your presence known? Do you slip in and look for someone you know? Do you sneak in quietly and find a safe spot to roost? I like to blend into the background and be unnoticed. Mainly because I hate being in party clothes. I’m never comfortable at parties full stop.

9. What is your strongest sense? If you had to give one up, which would it be? I value all my senses. I seldom answer this question and it is on every single tag; why?!

10. How many times a day do you look at yourself in the mirror? 0.5 – once, I’m serious.

11. What is the strangest thing you believed as a child? That I was adopted.

12. What is one guilty pleasure you enjoy too much to give up? Reading / watching crappy rom coms and probably being a YouTube addict.

13. Who performs the most random acts of kindness out of everyone you know? Me. Is that bad to say? That said, my parents are very kind. Bless them.

14. How often do you read the newspaper? Which paper? Which sections? Seldom… I like the idea of reading a physical paper but my hands are small and they are awkward to hold. 

15. Which animals scare you most? Why? All of them. I come from a culture that is not overly exposed to animals. People had budgies when I was growing up but that’s about it. Animals are unpredictable. They move too fast and have sharp teeth. You never know when they want to eat you. I can’t deal with them honestly. I’d never hurt them obviously.

16. Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head-on? A.V.O.I.D. at all costs. I am the biggest wuss / lover of a peaceful mind.

17. What was the most recent compliment you’ve received and savoured? Erm, “you’re so funny, how are you still single?”

18. What is something about yourself that you hope will change, but probably never will? My fear of driving in unfamiliar places and around roundabouts.

19. Are you a creature of habit? Explain. Yeah I think so. I have slept with a fan on all my life basically regardless of weather. I always eat my fries before my burger. I dislike change. It freaks me out. And yes I know change is important. Everyone and their mother keeps telling me.

20. Are you high maintenance? Explain. Nope. I am actually very low maintenance indeed. I am not the expensive dinner type but more street chai from a chai stand (germs be damned) type if that makes sense. Emotionally I am high maintenance. I will probably bleed you dry (I am otherwise quite lovely!)

21. When was the last time you really pushed yourself to your physical limits? Umrah maybe a few years ago. There is a LOT of walking.

22. Do you have a whole lot of acquaintances or just a few very close friends? Why? Few friends. Because, and I have only come to this realisation recently. I don’t actually know how to maintain more than one relationship at one time. I’m very one-to-one and could never understand how other people have more than one or two friends. I am trying to change this because it’s not healthy to be so… limited.

23. Are you more inclined to “build your own empire” or unleash the potential of others? Probably the latter. I am better at bigging up others, sadly.

24. What’s a strange occurrence you’ve experienced but have never (or rarely) shared with anyone? I recall this incident of me standing on a balcony with my uncle and noticing two strange figures (in masks or something) riding their bikes and waving at us. Until this day I don’t know if it was a dream or real and Uncle does not remember.

25. What do you think about more than anything else? How little I am accomplishing in life. I worry about my little sister’s future.

26. What’s something that amazes you? Lots of things. The moon. Different cities and cultures. How small ideas like HONY blow up and change the world. How people are still intolerant to anything that is slightly different to them.

27. Do you prefer that people shoot straight with you or temper their words? Why? Actually I am one of these people that likes you to tell me what I want to hear sometimes. I think we have too many people wanting to tell you the right thing and not enough humouring you for the sake of your mental well-being.

28. Where’s your favourite place to take an out-of-town guest? Rustic, vintagey cafès that I stumble across and this hilltop with a modest but breathtaking view.

29. What’s one thing you’d rather pay someone to do than do yourself? Why? Driving, paperwork, filling forms, talking to customer service people on the phone. What do you mean why? Coz all those things suck. They actually give me anxiety.

30. Do you have a catchphrase? “Do you know what I mean?” I say it once every 2.5 seconds. It drives me crazy but I can’t stop. And no one ever knows what I mean.

31. What’s your reaction towards people who are outspoken about their beliefs? I wish I was as confident as you.

32. How and where do you prefer to study? On my bed. I’ve owned like 3 to 4 desks in my lifetime and I never made any use out of them. All my essays were written sitting up in bed.

33. What position do you sleep in? On my front.

34. What’s your all-time favourite town or city? Why? Istanbul at the moment. I have no idea. It started with me watching Turkish soap operas. Picking up the lingo. Visiting the country. Twice.

35. What are the top three qualities that draw you to someone new? Kindness, conversation & a sense of humour.

36. How has your birth order/characteristics of siblings affected you? Being eldest has meant that I am apparently always “setting a bad example.” The ratio of more responsibility to less credit is an issue. My brother’s blasé attitude to life has made me subconciously (try to) be more responsible. My sister’s Autism has made me realise that the future cannot always be secured. Especially when you have no frame of reference to work with. 

37. If you could eliminate one weakness or limitation in your life, what would it be? Anxiety and this crippling lack of confidence.

38. If you could restore one broken relationship, which would it be? Oh wow. On the one hand so many. On the other hand none because they all chose to walk out. 

39. If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to? Leah even though I’m really not a Leah.

40. Do you believe ignorance is bliss? Why or why not? Yeah sometimes. Because knowing hurts. That said, ignorance is what makes bigots walk around with a chip on their shoulder.

41. What do you consider unforgivable? Betrayal. Doing shit behind my back.

42. Have you forgiven yourself for past personal failures? Why or why not? Yeah, because I realised no one else was going to be kind to me if I couldn’t be kind to myself.

43. How difficult is it for you to forgive someone who refuses to apologize? It’s frustrating. But being the bigger person is always best.

44.Do you hold any convictions that you would be willing to die for? Not sure.

45. To what extent do you trust people? Explain. I am like 70% less trusting than what I used to be. I’m extreme. I either trust you fully or distrust you fully.

46. In what area of your life are you immature? Oh God. So many. Probably the being a grown up and adulting area.

47. What was the best news you ever received? Recently? So little. Maybe when I passed my degree.

48. How difficult is it for you to be honest, even when your words may be hurtful or unpopular? Very. I prefer to suffer in silnce rather than offend someone. Which is clearly a wasted gesture as it is never reciprocated.

49. When did you immediately click with someone you just met? Why? What was the long term result? Conversely, are you close with anyone now that you really disliked at first? A long time ago now. We don’t talk anymore- no, not the song. Interestingly I dislike a lot of people now that I liked.to begin with!

50. When do you find yourself singing? In my car, alone.

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5 comments

    1. I was clearly sleepy when I wrote this. I meant I eat my fries before my burger because fries taste soggy the longer you leave them 😂 I am well indeed. Pray you are as well inshallah xxx

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