Being Underappreciated

I’m just going to throw it out there; I don’t know if underappreciated is an actual word, but it is now.

If you’re an avid follower of my Blog *awkward pause* you will have noticed my absence recently. I’m not going to lie, this is largely due to the fact that I am a lazy so and so. However, there are other crappy (work) and not so crappy (busy attempting to self-publish the book I finished writing last year- watch this space) reasons for my absence as well.

Anyway, given the severe writer’s block I am suffering from after writing 27 chapters for my book (which didn’t include the word “underappreciated”) *cue round of applause* I thought I would take part in NaBloPoMo this month to help me get back into the swing of things. Because I do love my blog and it’s 400+ sleepy followers. Talk to me you guys 😩

This is my 1st attempt at NaBloPoMo which I have seen around WordPress throughout the years but never fully understood. My lovely friend and internet partner crime;Β Never Trust a JellyfishΒ has encouraged me to take part in it so here goes nothing. I don’t even know if I am doing right. Is there a structure? Or do I write about any old thing?

Because today, I want to have a moan.

I’ve started the 1st of November by calling in sick to work- I know, great start right? If you know me personally, which none of you do, you will know that this is a hard decision for me. I am usually the suffer-in-silence and soldier-on type. I wasn’t always like this, lest you be too impressed. I started improving my attendance at work after a colleague told me she didn’t think I had very good work ethic. The comment wasn’t justified in my opinion and she was a bitter old cow. By the same token, I am insecure and take things to heart very easily.

How then did I call in sick with such ease this morning, when I haven’t had a day off in like 1.5 years? Well, I’ve had this cough that is refusing to go away for about two weeks now and this morning it gave me some pain in my chest.

I sat in my bed for a long time wondering whether I should get dressed and cough my way through the day or actually just take a day off to recharge my batteries. I didn’t want to break my record of no days off for almost two years but I was so, so tired and in pain.

Not just from the cough and aching joints either. It’s because lately at work, and I write this with great trepidation incase someone reads it and reports it to my boss, I have been feeling like a spare part that is very much invisible at times.

My job frustrates me, a lot. It pays crap. Still, I found ways to love it and gave it 101% all day, everyday. Until came the day I got moved to another position within the establishment, without my consent (I’m told it wasn’t technically required) along with what I felt was a vague, sugar-coated explanation to shut me up. I have been pretty miserable since the move.

To try and get out of this rut, I decided to do some overtime. The idea was; if I am miserable anyway, I may as well make a buck out of it. I worked my ass off and went home exhausted by the extra shifts everyday but telling myself it would be worth it on payday.

Come payday, I notice with frustration that I hadn’t been paid despite being reassured repeatedly that I would. This may seem like it’s not a big deal but it is. Because I have been putting off buying some things I need until pay day for this reason. And now after a 30 day wait; nothing.

I have been corresponding with various people about the absence of my money, recieving no replies so far. This makes my blood boil a little. Because now I am being made to feel like I am a nag, a nuisance to be avoided on the corridor lest I raise the issue of money I am OWED.

Why don’t you get another job? I hear you wonder. Various reasons. Some harder to explain than others. But mainly my anxiety makes it very difficult for me to start all over again.

The point I make is though, this morning I called in sick becuase I was sick, sure. But I’ve gone to work sick before. But…

As I lay in bed this morning imagining the chaos that my absence would cause, not because I am special by their measures, but becuase they would be one man down- I realised that my well being was more important than a place that unfortunately didn’t value my presence, opinion and rights. A place that makes me feel underappreciated.

Then, I had a little cry and mourned for my attendance streak that was now broken and called my doctor for an appointment for this stupid cough.

Life, eh?

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21 comments

  1. That sounds awful, and yes you should quit post haste! (Do people still say post haste?) Feeling under appreciated can really mess with your head and it’s not a fun experience, I know.. hang in there! Hopefully things will get better soon (ish).
    I hope you feel better soon!
    And wow, a book? That’s awesome! I want to read it! In fact, I want an autographed copy πŸ˜€

    1. Tenks I hope I feel better too 😧 No one wants to publish it so I’m gonna put it on kindle myself. It sounds much less impressive πŸ˜‚ but something to do I suppose πŸ˜†

  2. I find that the psychological rest – i.e. not being mentally chained to the idea of having to go to work – is often the most healing part of being sick. And if it’s an escape from an emotionally-negative place, all the better.

    Looking forward to this book. I’m actually finishing one of my own too…though I probably won’t even go as far as Kindle and just stick to self-publishing on my blog.

    1. Agreed. I’m not feeling better so I haven’t gone again. And although I really don’t feel well, mentally I feel pretty relaxed. I’m dreading returning tomorrow in fact πŸ˜”… I did publish it on here. It got an ok response which is why I thought I would try there. Honestly, I don’t predict great things for it coz Kindle is a huge medium. But I do all these things to distract myself from other going ons in life. I look forward to reading yours 😊

  3. This is horrible! With all the shit they are putting you through, you are honestly going easy on them. I really hope you get paid for all the efforts you put in. Hang in there you

  4. I hope you are getting better now with medicine and Almighty’s grace? I was sick too last week, under blogger’s writing block currently and am glad you are thinking of writing a new novel and self publishing your old one. All the Best. Hope your overtime issue sorts out soon, ! This finance and HR department phew!!!

  5. Sounds like November has bought all the germs with it. I too have been so ill since November began. Hey I didn’t know you’ve wrote a book! I’m going on a search mission through your blog now to find out more lol! And I’m attempting NaNoWriMo this year (don’t ask how it’s going, ’cause it’s not going anywhere) but I didn’t realise there was an equivalent for blogging too. πŸ˜” Anywy hope you’re feeling better now 😊

    1. I privatised it so I can edit it and wack it on kindle ebooks. It probably won’t do well. But it will get the want to publish a book off my chest. And aint no body got time to find a publisher! πŸ˜‚

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