I’m just going to throw it out there; I don’t know if underappreciated is an actual word, but it is now.
If you’re an avid follower of my Blog *awkward pause* you will have noticed my absence recently. I’m not going to lie, this is largely due to the fact that I am a lazy so and so. However, there are other crappy (work) and not so crappy (busy attempting to self-publish the book I finished writing last year- watch this space) reasons for my absence as well.
Anyway, given the severe writer’s block I am suffering from after writing 27 chapters for my book (which didn’t include the word “underappreciated”) *cue round of applause* I thought I would take part in NaBloPoMo this month to help me get back into the swing of things. Because I do love my blog and it’s 400+ sleepy followers. Talk to me you guys 😩
This is my 1st attempt at NaBloPoMo which I have seen around WordPress throughout the years but never fully understood. My lovely friend and internet partner crime; Never Trust a Jellyfish has encouraged me to take part in it so here goes nothing. I don’t even know if I am doing right. Is there a structure? Or do I write about any old thing?
Because today, I want to have a moan.
I’ve started the 1st of November by calling in sick to work- I know, great start right? If you know me personally, which none of you do, you will know that this is a hard decision for me. I am usually the suffer-in-silence and soldier-on type. I wasn’t always like this, lest you be too impressed. I started improving my attendance at work after a colleague told me she didn’t think I had very good work ethic. The comment wasn’t justified in my opinion and she was a bitter old cow. By the same token, I am insecure and take things to heart very easily.
How then did I call in sick with such ease this morning, when I haven’t had a day off in like 1.5 years? Well, I’ve had this cough that is refusing to go away for about two weeks now and this morning it gave me some pain in my chest.
I sat in my bed for a long time wondering whether I should get dressed and cough my way through the day or actually just take a day off to recharge my batteries. I didn’t want to break my record of no days off for almost two years but I was so, so tired and in pain.
Not just from the cough and aching joints either. It’s because lately at work, and I write this with great trepidation incase someone reads it and reports it to my boss, I have been feeling like a spare part that is very much invisible at times.
My job frustrates me, a lot. It pays crap. Still, I found ways to love it and gave it 101% all day, everyday. Until came the day I got moved to another position within the establishment, without my consent (I’m told it wasn’t technically required) along with what I felt was a vague, sugar-coated explanation to shut me up. I have been pretty miserable since the move.
To try and get out of this rut, I decided to do some overtime. The idea was; if I am miserable anyway, I may as well make a buck out of it. I worked my ass off and went home exhausted by the extra shifts everyday but telling myself it would be worth it on payday.
Come payday, I notice with frustration that I hadn’t been paid despite being reassured repeatedly that I would. This may seem like it’s not a big deal but it is. Because I have been putting off buying some things I need until pay day for this reason. And now after a 30 day wait; nothing.
I have been corresponding with various people about the absence of my money, recieving no replies so far. This makes my blood boil a little. Because now I am being made to feel like I am a nag, a nuisance to be avoided on the corridor lest I raise the issue of money I am OWED.
Why don’t you get another job? I hear you wonder. Various reasons. Some harder to explain than others. But mainly my anxiety makes it very difficult for me to start all over again.
The point I make is though, this morning I called in sick becuase I was sick, sure. But I’ve gone to work sick before. But…
As I lay in bed this morning imagining the chaos that my absence would cause, not because I am special by their measures, but becuase they would be one man down- I realised that my well being was more important than a place that unfortunately didn’t value my presence, opinion and rights. A place that makes me feel underappreciated.
Then, I had a little cry and mourned for my attendance streak that was now broken and called my doctor for an appointment for this stupid cough.