-to ask your husband on date night, apparently. Seeing as I don’t have one and this is a good tag, I took it and ran away with it, because cease the moment and dat inneh. Now my justifications are over, let us begin.
1. What’s something you always wanted to do as a child but never got to do it?
Have a friend boy. That is to say, a boy best friend. I get long better with boys and I have thus always wanted a boy best friend. Calm down Haram Police, I never acted on it.
2. If you were in a witness protection program, what would be your new name and where would you go?
I would be the stupidest witness if I released such information out into the world now wouldn’t I? Signed; Leah Malik from India.
3. What is the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?
That fruit that is banned in Singapore Hotels. Durian, that’s it! The strangest thing I have ever drunk is Falooda; which essentially is vomit in a cup. I apologise in advance for the visual. Also, don’t take my word for it because everyone and their cousin seems to actually love it.
4. What famous artist, dead or alive, would you want to paint your portrait?
I would want someone I know to do it rather than an Artist to be honest, it would hold more meaning to me then.
5. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever cried about?
So many to chose from, I can’t even deal. I guess when someone stopped talking to me once. I was hurt they stopped talking to me. Then I was sad that I was sad about the whole thing as it didn’t exactly make me feel very adult.
6. If you could rid the world of one disease what would it be?
How can it not be Cancer? leSigh
7. What board game do you hate the most?
Monopoly. It is too hyped.
8. If you could get away with a crime, would you? If yes, what would it be?
Trespassing abandoned buildings- they fascinate me.
9. Who was your first celebrity crush?
Akshay Kumar in the 90’s (hides face in shame) and Prince William when he had hair.
10. What’s the worst thing you ever did as a child and what was your punishment?
Ok, so this isn’t the worst but it is funny. My mother was taking a nap and I for reasons beyond me went to feel her head whilst she was asleep. Deciding she had a fever, using my wise medical expertise at the age of eight, I decided to get a cold compress and apply it to her forehead. Essentially, it was like performing the ice bucket challenge on someone without their consent. If looks could kill…
11. What is one thing you refuse to share?
You know how Joey doesn’t share food…? I’m kidding. Sharing is caring.
12. What are two things you would do if you woke up to find yourself completely invisible?
Stalk everyone I am intimidated by for a day, not to hurt them or anything, just to see what the big deal is. So really; it’s for therapy purposes. Also, I would sneak into Business Class on a good airline. Ah, what a gripping life one does lead.
13. Describe the worst haircut you’ve ever had.
Here’s the thing about being a Hijabi (someone who wears the Hijab) a bad haircut is easy to hide. Someone really botched my fringe once but that’s about it.
14. If you were offered the position of mayor of your city, would you take it?
No, I would suck so bad at being a leader of anything.
15. Have you ever pooped your pants? (not including when you were a baby)
Seriously who writes these? A 5 year old?
16. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and why?
Time travel. I am fascinated by the past.
17. If you could be on the cover of any magazine which one would you choose?
A photography one. With a shot of me in action, camera hiding my face. If you are a photographer who is interested in making this vision come to life, call me so we can make it happen… if you are magazine editor interested in publishing this shot… ok you get the point.
18. What song would you sing for your American Idol audition?
I wouldn’t audition- stage fright and bad singing voice.
19. What’s the worst job you’ve ever had?
I’ve only had two jobs my whole life the old was fine and the current one has to be fine in case my boss ever sees this inneh*
*if you are reading this, can I get a raise? Please and thanks.
20. What is the funniest movie you have ever seen?
Bad Company (2002).
21. If you could trade lives with anyone for a day who would it be and why?
Someone rich to see how the other half live or someone who travels and gets paid for it.
22. Which Disney princess do you find to be the most attractive?
I had to Google them and deliberate for a few minutes and the results are in; Jasmine and Belle (but before the makeover) that yellow dress did nothing for her.
23. What country would you never want to visit?
I am trying to adopt this new thought process whereby I am open to visiting anywhere because there is good everywhere if only you look hard enough.
*cue round of applause*
24. What scene from a non-horror movie scared you as a child?
I never watched horror movies on principle of not liking to be afraid. But I cried many a night watching children dying in war stricken countries on the news. I still to this day cannot watch things like that on the news.
25. What kind of phone was your first cell phone?
Oh this is very telling of my age isn’t it? Nokia 3310.
26. What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever done in a hotel room?
I love that I actually have an answer to this. I slept in the bathtub because I had a fight with the person I was sharing the room with. So maybe not wild, but crazy for sure.
27. If you were about to be executed what five foods would have as your last meal?
Noodles, chips (fries), a chicken mayo and sweetcorn sandwich on a baguette, red velvet cake and maybe my mother’s Makloubeh (rice, aubergine and chicken) dish.
28. Which would be harder for you to give up: coffee or alcohol?
Never had alcohol and have recently gone off coffee. I would find it hard to give up Indian chai and hot chocolate.
29. On a scale from 1-10 what’s the highest level of pain you’ve ever been in?
Seven. May God keep it from going higher. Ameen.
30. If you could start a collection of one kind of item, what would it be?
Quirky Mugs / Cups.
31. Who is the most famous person you have ever met?
Paige Toon; an author. I fangirled, hard.
32. How many slices of pizza are you capable of eating in one sitting?
I can eat the whole Pizza minus one. I can never finish the last slice. I mean I don’t feel too great after, but I can do it.
33. What fashion trend do you wish would come back?
34. What fashion trend do you wish would go away?
35. You’re in prison with a life sentence, what was your crime?
I am too chicken to commit a crime.
36. If you could bring one fictional character to life, who would it be?
A young Professor Snape, I’d give him some shampoo and then we would fall in love.
37. If you inherited or won a million dollars, what’s the very first thing you would do with the money?
Buy a house or travel around the world. I love how the two wildly contradict one another.
38. What two languages would you like to be fluent in?
The ones I already know a lot of, I just need to master them; Turkish and Urdu. Maybe Italian too.
39. Would you rather be a hobbit or an elf for 24 hours?
What was Dobby?
40. What would you do if you were the lone survivor of a plane crash?
I survive a plane carsh and the universe doesn’t give me anyone to fall in love with? Wow. Anyway, I’d take pictures if my camera survived and document the hell out of everything until my battery died. That way, if I am rescued I can make money out of the footage. If I am not, I’d have left something interesting for people to find.
41. What is your favorite sport in the Winter Olympics?
I don’t even know what sports there are in the Winter Olympics. For future reference; sports, fashion and politics are my least favourite topics ever.
42. What one toy do you wish never existed?
I dunno about toy, but I am kindda wishing Pokémon didn’t exist right now.
*cue hate mail*
43. What is your favorite smell?
Newborn babies; does that make me creepy? Or has that ship sailed?
44. Do you believe in Bigfoot?
45. What is one thing women do that grosses you out? And men?
Women that burp, men that spit.
46. What’s your favorite viral YouTube video?
None, I don’t get things that go viral.
47. What is the last book you read?
The One We Fell in Love With – Paige Toon.
48. What was your favorite color or Crayola crayon growing up?
The White one always fascinated me.
49. Describe your perfect sandwich.
Chicken Mayo and Sweetcorn on a baguette- I wasn’t lying on question no. 27.
50. If it were possible, would you live on the moon?
Not really, I love to admire the moon from a distance. It would lose it’s appeal the closer I got, I feel.
51. If you could break any world record which one would it be?
Something useful that benefits people, like feed the most homeless in a day or something. Who cares if you can balance one hundred snails on your face. How does that benefit anyone, ever?!
52. Who would you hate to see naked?
Everyone, because modesty.
53. If you could got back in time 1,000 years, what year would you visit?
I would like to visit the years when my parents were young to see if all the crazy ass stories they tell us about their struggles were real or not! But also to see all the family that died before I was born.
54. Would you let me slap you for a hundred dollars?
I would have to convert it to GBP and let you know.
55. What famous historical figure would like to fight?
You forgot the word ‘you’ in that question. And I am torn between saying ‘I’m a lover not a fighter’ and Hitler.
56. What’s the weirdest dream you’ve ever had?
I hardly ever remember them. But I know I have some crazy ones.
57. If you could master one musical instrument, what would it be?
Piano; all day, everyday.
58. What’s your least favorite fast food restaurant?
I love them all man. Fast food is bae.
59. If someone wrote a biography about you, what do you think the title should be?
She Really Did Try, A
60. Have you ever been drunk in public?
Not applicable. That said, Lucozade and Red bull get me kind of giddy.
61. Would you dress in drag for $25?
62. What do you think phones will be like in 10 years?
63. What bad habit do you have that you know you need to break, but don’t really want to?
I want to but can’t stop worrying about EVERYTHING.
64. If you were president for the day, what one thing would you change about the country?
I would probably do something positive for all the Syrian refugees, and all nationalities for that matter, that are struggling to survive at the moment.
65. How would you describe yourself in three words?
Alright I’ll make these positive for a change; kind, funny and loyal.
66. If money were no object, where in the world would you choose to live?
If money were object I’d live in different places every few months man, are you kidding me!
67. If you had to eat one thing from McDonald’s, every meal for a week straight, what would you chose?
Just their basic cheese burger I guess.
68. Describe your own personal hell.
99% of any social situations involving people.
69. Describe your own personal heaven.
It would involve a sunset at the beach, a cup of Indian tea, someone I love and a shit load of good conversation.
70. If you could deliver a speech to the entire world, what would you say?
Be kind, life’s too short and karma is a thing.
71. Have you ever chased down an ice cream truck as an adult?
Last week, I drove and beeped behind the bugger until he stopped. You actually can’t make this shit up.
72. What is the weirdest scar you have and how did you get it?
I don’t know that I have any. I have a burn mark that I got from helping my mother to cook. She kicked me out from the kitchen.
73. If you had to choose to live without one of your five senses, which one would you give up?
I wouldn’t even entertain the thought.
74. Have you ever saved someone’s life?
Not that I know of and if I have, please call me and tell me. I need to feel good about myself right now.
75. Has anyone ever saved your life?
I feel that God is always saving me from myself.
76. If you found out you were the direct descendant of a king or queen, would that boost your self esteem or have no affect on you at all?
Yeah, who am I kidding, I would get gassed.
77. What skills do you posses that could help you survive the zombie apocalypse?
78. If you inherited a single room off-the-grid cabin in the woods, would you be excited or disappointed?
Excited I guess, though nature and I don’t always agree because creepy crawlies, insects and the animal kingdom as a whole.
79. If you could choose your age forever, what age would you choose and why?
I think 16, because I don’t think I ever left 16.
80. Have you ever been scared enough to wet your pants?
What literally? No.
81. If you could go back in time and change history, what would you change?
I would fix the politics in Yemen so that they wouldn’t be war with themselves today and I can visit my family.
82. Who is your favorite cartoon character?
Detective Conan of course!
83. If you could kill off any character from a current television show, who would it be?
I don’t watch any current shows, just reruns. But probably all the elderly characters on StarPlus that hog all the respect and give none back! That means you Kokila.
84. Would you go streaking across a football field during a game for a million dollars knowing there’s a 50/50 chance you’ll get arrested for indecent exposure?
85. What was your first CD and when did you get it?
It was a cassette tape… and it was either Spice Girls or Backstreet Boys.
86. What is something you are currently obsessed with?
87. If a theme song played every time you entered a room, what would it be?
The F.R.I.E.N.D.S. one, now that I focus on the lyrics, first verse in particular.
88. What insect do you wish would completely go extinct?
ALL OF THEM- see question 78.
89. What is your guilty pleasure?
Reading chick-lits and watching rom-coms.
90. Would you like to live to be 200 years old?
91. Would you rather be a judge or a lawyer?
A judge, I feel like this would be less work. Something tells me I am wrong.
92. If you had to read an entire encyclopedia, which letter would you choose?
93. Who is your favorite stand-up comedian?
Russells- Peter and Howard bar their crude jokes and God jokes, they are comedy gold.
94. If you had to spend the rest of your life as a tree what kind of tree would you be?
95. If you were in the circus what kind of performer would you be? (Clown, tight-rope walker, etc)
Maybe that chick that swallows fire, everything else would make me go dizzy or would involve working with animals, whom I am not fond of.
96. What phobias have you overcome in your lifetime?
Sleeping in the dark.
97. Have you thrown up in a car?
98. Do you think all dogs go to heaven?
Honestly, I’m currently too preoccupied getting my own application to heaven processed to care if dogs make it or not.
99. If you could go on a cross country road trip with famous person, dead or alive, who would it be?
I mean, maybe not Amelia Earhart. Maybe the boy best friend I never got, provided he is funny and can put up with my (apparently) annoying habits.
100. Would you become a professional bank robber if you knew you would never get caught?
No. I actually like the feeling of earning my own money**
**this statement is subject to change, batteries sold separately.
All images obtained on Google