Ramadan Vibes | Day 21

So, my daily blogging, that soon turned into weekly blogging, has now become fortnightly blogging. What is up with that? I blogged for day 1, day 7, fully intending to then blog for day 14 but whaddya know it is day 21 and here we are.

Minor doe, these things happen.

I hope all your Ramadans are going swimmingly well inshallah. Mine is going aight alhamdulilah. Something feels missing though and I can’t put my finger on what.

For the most part I have been good. I’m keeping up with my reading of the Quraan- compared to previous years when I would fall behind. My salah is slower and more focused. Astagfurallah I am flopping in terms of making it for fajr on time. I am that human who sleeps through 4 alarms but wake up for the 5th one which is there to wake me up for work.

I don’t even know what that says about me as a person. May Allah guide and forgive. Maybe that is why I am feeling so down. Part of me wishes I wasn’t working for the whole of Ramadan so I can stay up and worship without feeling like I need to go to bed so I can wake up to work on time.

Another part of me is relieved that I am working during Ramadan as this helps pass the time. In fact, despite the 19.5 hour fast, I have felt that fasting has been Alhamdulilah pretty easy this year. Bar the weekend when I literally feel zombified with all the free time…

Except it is not really free time as I have deadlines hovering atop my head like a black cloud. I have timed signing up for a course very poorly in that I did not account for how stressful I would find it to meet deadlines in Ramadan. I am sure there are millions of students who have to do it so I have no grounds to complain, huh?

To sum up this weird and self centred rant that has done nothing to enrich your reading experience (for which I apologise, but not that much coz you are still reading so clearly you are getting something from it) …

– I am feeling slightly empty inside. My life feels devoid of emotion, but more importantly devoid of purpose. You know how people have dreams and ambitions? I have none. I have tried and tried to think of what I want to do with my life but I am coming up with nada. I am very good at my job Alhamdulilah. But I don’t know if it enriches my soul.

When people hear this they tell me to go and chase my dreams. But if I don’t know what they are, which direction am I supposed to start running? Then of course I feel guilty for feeling any of this stuff at all coz well, people are dying and starving all over the world and here’s me with my first world problems like sob-sob.

Anyway, spare a prayer for little ole me during the last 10 days. God knows I am in need of some clarity in my life. I wish this post could have been more positive especially that I have been granted the honour of seeing the last 10 days when so many others have lost their lives before getting to this point. But, it is what it is hey?

Ironically, this time last year I was urging everyone to stay bright. Subhanallah how times change.

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18 comments

  1. I know exactly what you mean! My brother and I haven’t been able to put our finger on it but something it definitely off about this Ramadan. At least here, it may have to do a little with the over-commercialization of Ramadan to cater to non-Muslims- all those hyped up iftar buffets where you hardly find anyone who was fasting and actually needs an iftar? I don’t know… may Allah accept our efforts and here’s hoping the last 10 days are more spiritually fulfilling for us all. 🙂

      1. I’ve set up my routine so I wake up for suhoor and have enough time to get in a few pages of the Quran before Fajr which keeps me awake. You could try that 🙂

  2. Omg I know that feeling. Its a DREAM to be able to do something that fulfills me & allows me to earn. You will get there iA. Try to indulge in some hobbies. If you dont have any, do whatever takes your fancy and keep at it. See what comes out of it. I pray Allah (swt) gives you more clarity 🌸

  3. This Ramadan has been aight for me too. I’ve been sick for two different weeks and I feel like I haven’t taken advantage of this time well. I’m sorry you are feeling devoid of dreams and goals. Until I started this blog I never thought of being a writer, despite the fact that I’ve always enjoyed it and been somewhat good at it. It took me 20 years and in between chasing after what I thought I wanted. So don’t give up and try to stay positive. When you least expect it, you might find what you are looking for 😉

    1. God I hope so. Coz it sucks watching people in the race of life all motivated and I’m just in the side lines like; I’ll catch ya’ll up later 😂

      1. I think it’s normal for people our age to be confused, saying this I have always assumed you are around my age.. Anyways at least you recognize this in your life and you want to change it. Never lose hope, because then you have nothing

  4. There is definitely something a little off about this Ramadan, it’s not just you feeling it 😁 I can’t explain it but it feels like a waking dream instead of reality for some reason.. Good luck with the last 10 days! Will pray for you inshallah!

    1. Thanks lovely. I don’t even know whats up. I thought I was doing well, better than last Ramadan in fact then boom, all the emotions attacked me.

  5. Salaam Sis; glad to know you are doing better this Ramadan.indeed these fasts are easier than last year, alhamdolillah,,Missing fajr indeed make us guilty all day, I am resolving to keep up my fajr prayers after ramadan as well, What I am doing for waking up for fajr is I go home after work and I force myself to sleep an hour or so. I then wake up to prepare for iftaar . I try to sleep by 12.30 after praying Isha and when I wake up for fajr by my alarm n my double alarm ( my husband) , I am not that tired.n quite awake.Try it for a day and see if it helps you as well.

    1. Trust me even after a 3 hour nap, I still clock out after ishaa 😂 I am so bad. I managed last night alhamdulilah to stay up until fajr. It wasnt easy I was so delirious by the end of it but easy price to pay wallah for a day free of guilt.

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