Tired is not even a state of mind anymore, it has actually become an inherent part of my personality at this point. I don’t know if it’s my anaemia playing up or what but I feel so drained these days, like really ‘need to sit down’ tired. This doesn’t bode well for the upcoming month of Ramadan. The last thing you want to be during Ramadan is tired.
At this point it is probably worth mentioning that I have an interesting equation with this blessed month. I feel guilty in that I don’t look forward to it like many people I know do… and this is never recieved well when I say it, but one may as well be honest.
Personally, I find this month very challenging. It’s not so much the absence of food (not after the 1st day anyway,) I think the absence of water is much harder. But neither actually bothers me to that extent. On the contrary, it makes you appreciate the fact that you are guaranteed a meal at the end of your fast whilst so many others are deprived of this blessing.
Anyway, it’s things like controlling my temper and keeping a cool head that really let me down during this month. You see, Ramadan isn’t just about refraining from eating and drinking. It’s a time to engage more fully in your faith, be calm and peaceful and perform as many acts of worship as physically possible.
With my short fuse, I really struggle with this, particularly that I am surrounded by things that trigger reactions out of me BOTH at home and work. Who isn’t I guess, eh? I will have to learn to control that. Other than this, I go back to how physically drained I have been feeling. I hope that goes away soon as fasting whilst feeling this way will drain me even further of what little energy I have left. I think it’s just a bit of stress I need to brush off… a long undisturbed sleep sounds heavily right now. Alas, duty calls and it is time to get ready for work.