27, single & searching for the one… not.

I am 27 and single.

You know, even as I write the above, I feel like I am coming clean about a cursed secret, which in some ways it actually has become. Cursed that is, coz it definitely ain’t no secret (thanks for that ring finger and gossiping aunties.)

I come from a culture where being anything past 25 (please note I am being extremely generous here) and single is practically unheard off. Most girls my age are not only married but having their second and third children by now. Me? I am watching men in their 30’s (my supposed ‘catchment’ age if you like) marry 21 year olds and some days it makes me laugh, other days it just makes me want to cry. So how did I end up in the position I am in I hear you wonder, or maybe not. Either way I don’t actually know. That said however, I am a great believer in fate and I believe that marriage just hasn’t been written for me… yet?

That doesn’t stop the mind from wandering and the heart from pining sometimes mind you, I am, after all, only human.

Enter: The One.

Now, the concept of ‘the one’ is one that has excited me, terrified me, infuriated me and just mentally drained me in recent years. I have probably dreamed about him since picking up my first Mills and Boon (hides face in shame), watching my first dubbed telenovela and of course, discovering Bollywood.

Who is the one? Lately I have seriously been considering the possibility that he is merely a rumour spread by lonely and misguided women, such as myself, because I don’t think he actually exists.

For the longest time we have been told to anticipate his entry into our lives, that he was definitely coming, that he would be worth the wait and that he would make all the pain we have ever endured in the process of waiting for him vanish just by appearing. We grow up listening to these delusional thoughts and cling onto them like our lives depend on it and we wait and wait and wait for this person, who frankly is a flawed human being much like you and me, expecting a miraculous performance of love and devotion from him because that’s what the films we watch and songs we listen to tell is supposed to happen.

I think I may have seen enough of life to know that this perfect creature is not real. I read somewhere that it is in our DNA, as women, to fall for guys who rescue us. I agree with that wholeheartedly- who doesn’t love a hero? So I guess what happens is, when life throws someone half decent our way, who makes the old butterflies in the stomach flutter, we make them the one, we make him that hero. Hell, maybe that’s how the concept of the one started in the first place.

Of course for us singletons, to whom life hasn’t been so generous, we instead get advice on how to cope; don’t look for him! Wait for him to find you. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Someone is BOUND to see how great you are one day. Maybe you should focus on your career for now.

You know what’s worse than the advice though? The questions; don’t you get lonely? Aren’t you worried about the old biological clock? When will it be your turn? Are you ok?

If you do this to your single friends in the name of kindness I strongly advise you to stop because we do not have the answers to any of those questions. Frankly, we go to weddings to have a good time and enjoy free food, much like you, so don’t kill the appetite we’d been saving all day by asking when it will be our turn to get married.

And fancy asking people if they are ok because they are single. You know things are getting slightly out of hand when you turn a marital status into a disease.

Are we ok? Sure we are. Maybe not every day, maybe some days we’re lonely, a lot of the times even angry but ok makes a regular appearance in our lives too, I assure you.

I am slowly but surely getting better at not caring that I am 27, unmarried, child-less and career-less, as well. Instead, I am focusing on the abundance of blessings in my life for which I am eternally grateful. I am healthy. I am surrounded by family, friends and loved ones. I have an income. I have a roof over my head and food on my table. I have travelled and continue to do so. I have ‘me time’, plenty of it too; the biggest perk of being single I am reliably informed by married folk.

If marriage does happen for me – great, if it doesn’t that is also great. And you know what? I am discovering that the freedom of being single is pretty intoxicating.

So it’s not so bad for I. am. Content.

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This post was inspired NOT by the usual daily prompt, but rather, by the upcoming, glorious month of February that brings with it the commercial joy that is Valentine’s Day, often believed to be the day of love – it is not. Love your loved ones everyday folks. Life is too short to limit that good stuff to one day a year.

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14 comments

  1. Great read! You hit the nail on the head! I stuck my feet in the marital water for a short period, a few years ago. “The One” turned out to be nothing more than a manipulative, insecure, crapping machine. Been there, done that, got the divorce decree as a souvenir! Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed, don’t waste it searching for a mythical creature in an attempt to make yourself feel complete. 🙂

  2. Aww! When I wrote this, I thought it won’t get read by many people but I wrote it anyway because it needed to be said. The fact that you not only read it but can relate to it makes me happy! Thanks for stopping by lovely 🙂

  3. This is great! The idea of “the one” is a dangerous idea, indeed. I believe there are plenty of people in this world that could be good partners, but the most important thing is being happy with yourself first. Cheers to you for seeing the world! That is something I admire more than a relationship status 😉

    1. I like the way you put it. It is very dangerous and misleading. It makes me sad that so many young people fall for this crap, me being one of them (once upon a time). Life is a teacher I guess! Thanks for taking the time to read 🙂

  4. Reading this made my soul not sad, but… Ok, sad. I don’t know why. And maybe I shouldn’t even tell you that, but I am. Not because of your writing don’t worry 😉
    This is a topic i think anyone can go for hours about, everyone has experienced being single. And typing this makes me sad because we are whole, we are enough, we “single” are a miracle, we are not born with another human being who is supposed to be our other half, we come into this world being ENOUGH, whether born alone or as a twin. The idea that we need someone to make our lives complete is a lie. Humans are social creatures and we seek for other people to be our companions, both friends and partners entire life. But, how can I say this when I’m in a good relationship 3 and a half years? Does he not “complete me”? Yes, he does. It is beautiful. The mutual support is something I couldn’t imagine that could be so incredible. Love is so, so, so amazing… Having him in my life enriched me and he makes me more secure about my decisions and I make him more secure in his. Do we think about future? Yes and we have same thoughts about important stuff. I think that is very important. For e. we don’t want kids but we don’t say we are NEVER gonna have them, we want to be together but we are aware of life and that it can bring a future where that is not ( sad face heh ), we are not fond of marriage but we didn’t say we will never get married.

    Trust me, it is scary being in relationship and thinking about future as it is being single and doing the same. So, it is best just to live in the now. Really. And when you’re with someone the questions never stop, people always ask stupid stuff…

    I want to just say what I think about you and your post. I am 26yo, soon to be 27. We are young. It may not seem to us that way because this is the oldest we have been 😉 and when we thought 10 years ago 27 was so big. But in honesty that is very young. Very. Many people who inspire me have been honest and said that their life had no real meaning up until their forties, fifties. Ellen DeGeneres had her show when she was in her mid thirties and then it got cancelled and she found herself with no perspective at 40 something. But look at her now. She and Portia got married in 2008. Louise Hay, the great woman and pioneer in many things said that her own life didn’t have meaning up until she was 45 and started helping people with AIDS. Barack Obama, as I have read just few days ago, said that he run for Senat in 1999. and failed miserably. That was in his forties. He had to get back up and collect the courage to do it again. I have wrote a Bible here, but I wanted to share with you what inspires me to be stronger when I think to myself what I thought it was going to be like when I would be 27. It is not. I never ever thought that I would have to deal with something I am dealing for the past 10 years. I thought something like that could never happen to ME… Life is life. I watched the trailer for a movie about Stephen Hawking and he says at the end; Where there is life, there is hope. He says that. I mean…
    🙂

  5. Thank you so much for your thoughts. That’s ok, sad was one of the many emotions I experienced whist writing this. Yes, the idea that we need ONE person to complete us is not exactly sensible. We should ideally be surrounded by many people that enrich our lives and help us grow. Speaking of sensible, not saying never is very wise of you guys, as no one knows what the future holds. I don’t feel young ha! I think its not so much being 27, but how little I feel I accomplished by 27 that gets to me. I am working on changing that perception everyday though. On a separate note, did you read about Obama in Humans of New York by any chance? I love HONY. The Stephen Hawking movie is not so bad if you want to watch it! Thanks again for reading 🙂

  6. I hate how in our communities we equate a girl’s success and worth by her marital status. And that isn’t the case for boys. Elders start clicking in sympathy if they hear so and so girl hasn’t got married or so and so girl doesn’t have a kid yet after a year or so of marriage. If the girl is well educated and has a qualified degree, it doesn’t matter. People put shame certificate on head and comment and gossip so much, it starts hurting the self-esteem. And OMG you are so right on attending weddings and people pestering for marriage, like pleeease eat the food and get lost.
    Great post.

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