I am 27 and single.
You know, even as I write the above, I feel like I am coming clean about a cursed secret, which in some ways it actually has become. Cursed that is, coz it definitely ain’t no secret (thanks for that ring finger and gossiping aunties.)
I come from a culture where being anything past 25 (please note I am being extremely generous here) and single is practically unheard off. Most girls my age are not only married but having their second and third children by now. Me? I am watching men in their 30’s (my supposed ‘catchment’ age if you like) marry 21 year olds and some days it makes me laugh, other days it just makes me want to cry. So how did I end up in the position I am in I hear you wonder, or maybe not. Either way I don’t actually know. That said however, I am a great believer in fate and I believe that marriage just hasn’t been written for me… yet?
That doesn’t stop the mind from wandering and the heart from pining sometimes mind you, I am, after all, only human.
Enter: The One.
Now, the concept of ‘the one’ is one that has excited me, terrified me, infuriated me and just mentally drained me in recent years. I have probably dreamed about him since picking up my first Mills and Boon (hides face in shame), watching my first dubbed telenovela and of course, discovering Bollywood.
Who is the one? Lately I have seriously been considering the possibility that he is merely a rumour spread by lonely and misguided women, such as myself, because I don’t think he actually exists.
For the longest time we have been told to anticipate his entry into our lives, that he was definitely coming, that he would be worth the wait and that he would make all the pain we have ever endured in the process of waiting for him vanish just by appearing. We grow up listening to these delusional thoughts and cling onto them like our lives depend on it and we wait and wait and wait for this person, who frankly is a flawed human being much like you and me, expecting a miraculous performance of love and devotion from him because that’s what the films we watch and songs we listen to tell is supposed to happen.
I think I may have seen enough of life to know that this perfect creature is not real. I read somewhere that it is in our DNA, as women, to fall for guys who rescue us. I agree with that wholeheartedly- who doesn’t love a hero? So I guess what happens is, when life throws someone half decent our way, who makes the old butterflies in the stomach flutter, we make them the one, we make him that hero. Hell, maybe that’s how the concept of the one started in the first place.
Of course for us singletons, to whom life hasn’t been so generous, we instead get advice on how to cope; don’t look for him! Wait for him to find you. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Someone is BOUND to see how great you are one day. Maybe you should focus on your career for now.
You know what’s worse than the advice though? The questions; don’t you get lonely? Aren’t you worried about the old biological clock? When will it be your turn? Are you ok?
If you do this to your single friends in the name of kindness I strongly advise you to stop because we do not have the answers to any of those questions. Frankly, we go to weddings to have a good time and enjoy free food, much like you, so don’t kill the appetite we’d been saving all day by asking when it will be our turn to get married.
And fancy asking people if they are ok because they are single. You know things are getting slightly out of hand when you turn a marital status into a disease.
Are we ok? Sure we are. Maybe not every day, maybe some days we’re lonely, a lot of the times even angry but ok makes a regular appearance in our lives too, I assure you.
I am slowly but surely getting better at not caring that I am 27, unmarried, child-less and career-less, as well. Instead, I am focusing on the abundance of blessings in my life for which I am eternally grateful. I am healthy. I am surrounded by family, friends and loved ones. I have an income. I have a roof over my head and food on my table. I have travelled and continue to do so. I have ‘me time’, plenty of it too; the biggest perk of being single I am reliably informed by married folk.
If marriage does happen for me – great, if it doesn’t that is also great. And you know what? I am discovering that the freedom of being single is pretty intoxicating.
So it’s not so bad for I. am. Content.
This post was inspired NOT by the usual daily prompt, but rather, by the upcoming, glorious month of February that brings with it the commercial joy that is Valentine’s Day, often believed to be the day of love – it is not. Love your loved ones everyday folks. Life is too short to limit that good stuff to one day a year.