The post I was most nervous about publishing, I actually never did end up publishing because although to me it encompassed my thoughts and feelings, to the rest of the world I thought it would just scream negativity. But since you asked DailyPost, I don’t know I just thought why not share it? What is the worst that could happen? -She asks with dread-
So here it is posted below. If you happen to stumble across it and read it, I thank you. Though I should also warn you that it is kind of long so a cup of tea, few biscuits and an open mind are advisable 🙂
As for how I feel setting it free, well, so far so good. If I get hate-mail that is another story, ha! Please don’t take anything in it seriously, these are simply my random musings. Enjoy x
I have been thinking about life lately. My life, that is. Actually life in general, what it does to us, what it gives us, snatches away from us and all that good stuff.
I feel (and please note there will be a whole lot of I’s, in this post) that my life has become, bland, tasteless and sometimes meaningless. I live a dull, mundane and boring routine. On rare occasions I might surprise myself by doing something outside of said routine, or fate might in turn surprise me by throwing something unexpected and new my way. However, for the most part, I go to work and come back, eat, sleep and repeat the previous day’s events.
No, I do not have the most important or the most time consuming job, but the nature of work itself is such that you come back from it physically exhausted and mentally drained. Then, you spend the weekend recharging for the dreaded Monday. Incidentally this is where Saturday becomes ‘extra time in bed day’ and Sunday simply becomes ‘pre-Monday’ day.
You promise yourself that THIS weekend you WILL do something different, something worthwhile, something you can practise narrating to your colleagues Monday morning, but your lack of mood and energy takes even you by surprise. ‘There will be other times to do fun stuff,’ you
promise lie to yourself. ‘For now let me just relax after the hectic week I have just had,’ you convince your believing self.
It saddens me that as humans, that is all we do. The truth is we never stop. I recall telling a friend once, we start our journey through education at age 3 /4 at nursery. We then move on to primary school. From then, we progress onto secondary school for five years. After which we go to college, for those of us who choose to do so, work (if we find it!) for those who do not. Those of us who went to college then move on to university in the interest of securing a stable job. Three / four years later, we are thrown into the big, bad world to fend for ourselves, earn a living, find that thing you, in essence, worked your socks off for since the age of 3; a job. This doesn’t apply, of course, to those courageous, surviving, souls who brave even further education.
I deliberately left the above passage as one, big chunky paragraph because honestly that’s how we experience the events that are described in it in real life; as a bulk of stages that attack us constantly with seemingly no break in the middle.
If you get married at any point, then I guess you start the whole thing again, you have kids and then they start nursery at 3, then primary, then secondary then so on and so forth…
It is like a vicious cycle. I suppose that’s the cycle of life we keep hearing about.
The point of the above rant or the question that has come out of it I guess is; when does this cycle end? The obvious, albeit morbid, answer being: when we die. It is as simple as that. And then that’s it, you have basically wasted your life working. At this point, if you have been fortunate enough to live a long life, surely you will be wondering, ‘where did my life go? Did I spend it wisely?’
Of course what my comical mind is wondering at this stage is, why oh why can’t life be reading in cafes whilst sipping hot chocolate and watching the world go by?
Not to worry, I know the answer to my own question and fully understand that life can’t always be fun and games. After all, if we don’t suffer the bad how will we learn to appreciate the good?
Be that as it may…
Films, books, art, drama, people, situations always tell you that life is short, that one day it will flash before your eyes and you have to make sure it is worth watching.
We tend to love quotes like this, we flood our Facebook statuses, Twitter and Instagram Bio’s and caption our photos with them. In fact, we are living in the disturbing era of YOLO. I’m not that old but it still took me a while to actually work out what that stood for. You should have seen the disbelief on my face when I did.
So if we are constantly raving about how you only get one shot at life and so you should live it to its fullest. Do we actually practise what we preach? No we don’t, the majority of us don’t anyway. Nah-uh, Will.I.AM. would be ashamed of us.
We are far too busy planning and scheduling everything weeks, even months in advance that we don’t even find an empty slot in our diaries for life anymore.
Like I say, I feel I speak for a lot of people, because if I had a penny for every time someone complained to me that they are constantly overwhelmed and busy and could not remember the last time they had a chance to breath … well you know how the saying goes. Then again, some people may actually be happy, even content with how life turned out for them.
Ultimately, I can only speak for me.
When I was younger, a teenager, I had a very hopeful vision for how my future would turn out. I didn’t know where this crazy journey called life would take me, but I hoped that along the, undoubtedly bumpy ride, let us not kid ourselves, it would lead me to a place where I would be somewhat happy and my existence would be meaningful. Be that in a job that I loved, with a caring companion, or even a family I helped create.
Today I have none of those things and I am thoroughly disappointed about that. I hear you yell at me to get up and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Believe me, I have time and time again and have lived through the disappointments of not getting what you want.
I guess what I learnt though is to be thankful. Although I constantly complain, I have along the way realised that it is important to count your blessings. For instance, though my job is not one I am crazy about, isn’t in a field that involves writing like I once dreamed and doesn’t always make me feel like I am making a difference to anyone, I am thankful that I have one at all, given the rising rates of unemployment.
Other things I thank God for are the roof on my head, the food on my table and the clothes on my back and most importantly my family. Basically whenever the going gets tough, I remind myself that someone somewhere is in a worse situation than I. Also, that there is hopefully something better than this written for me and this is just me paying my dues. And then of course I feel rotten for complaining in the first place…
All in all, I wish life was simpler and that it was kinder to us. Then again, perhaps life is simple; and it is merely us that complicate it… but that’s another post altogether.
Photo taken by me